Today many people spend less and less time in their homes. What are the reasons for it? What are the effects of this trend on individuals and society?
In recent years, a large number of
people
prefer going outside rather than staying at home
. I believe there are some reasons to express why people
shorten their time
to stay at home
and what kind of effects will bring for person and community.
Two main points display why people
spend less and less time
in their homes. The first reason is people
think keeping healthy is important and staying at home
will make them lazy. Thus
, they normally go to a gym or park to exercise after wor
. Even they will wake up early to climb the mountain on holidays. Correct your spelling
work
Moreover
, people
choose to stay at
outside to save money. They can go to a museum or a library to read books or watch films for free. The most important is they do need to pay electricity fees. These are reasons why Change preposition
apply
people
shorten to stay at their home
.
In addition
, there are some effects of this
trend on individuals and society. First,
doing exercise makes people
feel good and they would like to share with others. Thus
, many people
will choose some sport charity activities to join, like the marathon. These activities not only improve health but also
give money to help people
who are poor. Second,
spending less time
at home
can save energy to build a better environment for people
and the community. The ice mountain defrosts so quickly because people
spend too much electricity. If people
are spending energy person by person, they can save more electricity.
To sum up
, keeping healthy and improving new skills are the reasons why people
spend less time
in their homes. These bring some effects, which are making people
feel good and building a better environment for individuals and society.Submitted by pobbywang on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a coherent logical structure which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your line of argument. Consider organizing your points more clearly and using linking devices to guide the reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present, but they are underdeveloped. Your introduction should clearly outline the main points you will discuss, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments without introducing new information. Aim to make these sections more impactful.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported, but your arguments would benefit from a wider variety of supporting details, such as data or anecdotes, to make them more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt but fails to fully develop the reasons and the effects of the given trend. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a single clear idea that is directly related to the question. Expand on the reasons and effects to provide a more complete response.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are not fully clear and comprehensive. To improve, focus on clarity by explaining your points thoroughly and using specific language. Make sure each idea directly relates to the question and elaborate with examples or explanations.
task achievement
You provided a few examples, but they need to be more relevant and specific to support your arguments effectively. Draw on real-life situations, statistics, or studies that provide compelling evidence for your claims.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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