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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.

The chart below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.
#show #percentage #adults #activities #country
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The bar pie chart describes
that
Correct word choice
how
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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working
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 a day with different activities in different
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1958 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
 from the perspective,working
activity
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
took the highest amount of time in
both
Use synonyms
 periods
while
Linking Words
 travelling to work
activity
Use synonyms
 was the least.
Linking Words
According to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 pie chart shows that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 working was the highest amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activity
Use synonyms
 as compared to others in
both
Use synonyms
 periods, which was 33% and 42% respectively. Sleeping got
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
activity
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 times, which was 32% and 25% respectively. Going out with family and friends
activity
Use synonyms
 was 19% in 1958,
in contrast
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
activity
Use synonyms
 was reduced dramatically in 2008 which was 6%. Surprisingly, realxing at home
activity
Use synonyms
 got low interest among the working adults in 1958 which was 8% but
this
Linking Words
 interest
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in 2008 from 8% to 13%.
In addition
Linking Words
, travelling to work and other activities
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the least amount of time
spending
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 in
both
Use synonyms
 two periods.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words activity, both with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • technological advancements
  • leisure activities
  • household chores
  • gender roles
  • modern lifestyle
  • fast food trends
  • sleep patterns
  • health and well-being
  • societal impact
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