IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

In recent years, more and more
people
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 are crowded in urban
areas
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, which leads to
overpopulation
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.
This
Linking Words
 causes several
problems
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such
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 as reducing living quality and increasing stress.
However
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, there are solutions involving governments and
business
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companies
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 that can alleviate the problem.
Firstly
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,
overpopulation
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 in the centre of the city reduces the living quality of
people
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. As the land size of an urban area is limited, there is not much space left for housing after building infrastructure and
business
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 offices. Tight apartments with only a bedroom and shared restroom are not a strange situation in a metropolis
such
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 as Hong Kong.
Moreover
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, as
people
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 continue to pour into one centralized area, social interactions between neighbours increase, leading to conflicts and stress in a fast-paced urban environment. In order to solve the numerous
problems
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 brought by
overpopulation
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, there are several methods that governments and
business
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companies
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 can use. The state can put more resources into developing side
areas
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, and encourage
people
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 to move by different policies,
such
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 as providing discounts on transportation between side and urban
areas
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, or even reducing taxes.
Business
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companies
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 can
also
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 take part in solving these
problems
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 by giving
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 the chance to work remotely if possible. As a lot of
people
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 live in the urban
areas
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 where they work
in
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apply
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, working from home means that there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 no more need for them to stay in the central city,
hence
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 they can move to other places. In conclusion,
overpopulation
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 in urban
areas
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create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
problems
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 like reducing living quality and increasing stress, and by developing side
areas
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 and providing remote working these
problems
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 can be tackled by governments and
business
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companies
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.

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task achievement
Your essay addressed the topic and identified two key problems caused by overpopulation, which aligns with the task requirements. However, the task response could be improved by offering more detailed explanations and a wider range of ideas.
coherence cohesion
You made an attempt to structure the essay in a logical way with an introduction and conclusion, but the progression of ideas could be enhanced by clearer paragraphing and better signaling of transitions between points.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on infrastructure
  • public services
  • overcrowded
  • inadequate healthcare services
  • pressure on educational institutions
  • environmental impact
  • increased pollution
  • waste management
  • destruction of green spaces
  • natural habitats
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