Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks.
Nowadays , technologies are developing so
al
lot of Correct your spelling
a
websites
are created by website founders , especially social medias
are most popular among the various age groups . Fix the agreement mistake
media
However
, posting personal informations
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information
pieces of information
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may be a risk for individuals . I think more disadvantages than advantages , because they are Change preposition
apply
safety
and creating comfortable
zone , I will Correct article usage
a comfortable
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discuss
discus
both options
There Correct your spelling
discuss
two
main advantages Add a missing verb
are two
for
sharing personal Change preposition
of
informations
on social networks does Change the wording
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pieces of information
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risks , creating and running various accounts on behalf of another person and voting different Verb problem
are
adds
. Correct your spelling
ads
Firstly
, nowadays , in social media , hackers are increasing especially Change preposition
on facebook
facebook
, there are many fake accounts Capitalize word
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different
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and different
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and this
,
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increasing
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fake
information Change preposition
of fake
in
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on
websites
. Secondly
, hackers do different types of hacks for changing
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person’s
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people’s
adds
( tablets , Correct your spelling
ads
websites
and games )
On the other hand
, there obvious
disadvantages to sharing personal details .
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more
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safety
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medias
. Nowadays , Instagram , Fix the agreement mistake
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)
In conclusion , Change preposition
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Although
some problems in sharing personal data in
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on
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, majority
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the majority
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safe
safety
for individualsSubmitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on
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coherence cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, it is critical to ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure, with a coherent flow from one idea to the next. Paragraphs should be well-organized with clear topic sentences, and there should be effective use of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Providing examples to support main points strengthens the essay. Your essay lacked clear organization and the specific examples were not sufficiently developed. Work on creating clear and distinct paragraphs with focused topic sentences and connect your ideas using appropriate linking words like 'furthermore', 'for instance', or 'however'.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, your essay needs to fully address all parts of the prompt effectively. It should present, extend, and support main ideas, but this was not accomplished. The prompt requires a discussion of the risks involved in sharing personal information on social media, and your essay only partially covers this topic. The examples used need to be more relevant and detailed to support the arguments being made. Also, both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages) should be discussed with clarity and supported with specific examples. For improvement, focus on understanding the prompt thoroughly and providing a balanced discussion with clear, supported points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.