Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks.

#media #age #groups #information #websites #risks

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Nowadays , technologies are developing so

Correct your spelling

show examples

lot of

websites

are created by website founders , especially social

medias

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media

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are most popular among the various age groups .

However

, posting personal

informations

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information

pieces of information

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

may be a risk for individuals . I think more disadvantages than advantages , because they are

safety

and creating

comfortable

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a comfortable

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zone , I will

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discuss

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discus

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discuss

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both options There

two

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are two

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main advantages

for

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sharing personal

informations

Change the wording

information

pieces of information

show examples

on social networks does

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

risks , creating and running various accounts on behalf of another person and voting different

adds

Correct your spelling

ads

show examples

Firstly

, nowadays , in social media , hackers are increasing especially

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on facebook

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facebook

Capitalize word

Facebook

show examples

, there are many fake accounts

different

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and different

show examples

well-known persons . Some people do not know to subscribe

this

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to this

show examples

type of

profiles

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profile

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this

Correct word choice

and this

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is the reason

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for, increasing

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increasing

Correct article usage

the increasing

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

lot

fake

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of fake

show examples

information

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show examples

social

websites

Secondly

, hackers do different types of hacks

for changing

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to change

show examples

person’s

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people’s

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sentences and actions , and they post different

adds

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ads

show examples

( tablets ,

websites

and games )

On the other hand

, there

obvious

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are obvious

show examples

disadvantages to sharing personal details . Social networks are

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safer

show examples

safety

and more comfortable for

using

Replace the word

use

show examples

especially chatting with others ,

get

Wrong verb form

getting

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news and

enjoy to

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enjoying

show examples

watching

medias

Fix the agreement mistake

media

show examples

. Nowadays , Instagram ,

facebook

Capitalize word

Facebook

show examples

, X , and Telegram are more famous in the world , majority of people use Instagram for sharing activities and chatting with close friends , because it is very

safety

Replace the word

safe

show examples

(there are a lot

algorithms

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of algorithms

show examples

) In conclusion ,

Although

some problems in sharing personal data

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show examples

social

websites

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

of networks are

Correct word choice

safe

show examples

safety

for individuals

Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on Fri Dec 01 2023

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coherence cohesion

Regarding coherence and cohesion, it is critical to ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure, with a coherent flow from one idea to the next. Paragraphs should be well-organized with clear topic sentences, and there should be effective use of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Providing examples to support main points strengthens the essay. Your essay lacked clear organization and the specific examples were not sufficiently developed. Work on creating clear and distinct paragraphs with focused topic sentences and connect your ideas using appropriate linking words like 'furthermore', 'for instance', or 'however'.

task achievement

In terms of task achievement, your essay needs to fully address all parts of the prompt effectively. It should present, extend, and support main ideas, but this was not accomplished. The prompt requires a discussion of the risks involved in sharing personal information on social media, and your essay only partially covers this topic. The examples used need to be more relevant and detailed to support the arguments being made. Also, both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages) should be discussed with clarity and supported with specific examples. For improvement, focus on understanding the prompt thoroughly and providing a balanced discussion with clear, supported points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Social media platforms
Connectivity
Self-expression
Creativity
Global communication
Instantaneous communication
Personal growth
Career advancement
Privacy concerns
Identity theft
Cyberbullying
Addiction
Productivity
Misinformation
Crisis

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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks.

Fully explain your ideas

Since traffic is such a problem in modern cities, private cars should not be allowed in city centres. Discuss the arguments for and against this statement. What do you think we should do about the problem of traffic in city centres?

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate.