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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Space travel has been possibile for some time, and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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It is widely thought that
humankind
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 could easily travel to some destinations in outer
space
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such
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 as Venus, Mars, or Jupiter because of the outbreak of the
space
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tourism
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 industry in the future. Personally, I consider that it borders on being more beneficial than harmful. The drawbacks of the trend towards travelling outside the Earth are indeed evident.
Firstly
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, governments might spend a large amount on supporting scientists and
tourism
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 companies to research and seek
such
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 feasible destinations. Meanwhile,
this
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 budget could be allocated to tackle many urgent problems
such
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 as global warming, the greenhouse effect, and air pollution.
In addition
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, organizing trips to explore outer
space
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 could pose passengers who might pay over one million dollars for their trip some risks because of facing the harsh conditions in the shuttle
as well as
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 in their destination. There are convincing reasons to say that
space
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 travel could be a negative development.
On the other hand
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, I strongly believe that the advancement of
space
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tourism
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 in the near future could benefit the development of
humankind
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. The process of looking for new destinations on other planets might create breakthrough inventions in various fields of science
such
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 as astronomy, aerospace, physics, and chemistry. Unless NASA consistently researches whether a new inhabitable plant exists or not,
humankind
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 will not know that Mars has had water. Granted, travellers who would take
space
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 trips will pay a huge amount which can be a hundredfold than domestic or international ones. `
However
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, these trips might be the most memorable experience in their whole life,
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 them broaden their horizon about the solar systems and encourage them to believe that the capability of
humankind
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 is unlimited.
Therefore
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, there are compelling pieces of evidence
to conclude
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 that people can benefit from the progression of
space
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 travel. In conclusion,
although
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space
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tourism
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 could lead to some issues, I completely believe that it would be a positive development because it supports new inventions and provides new valuable knowledge.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow within paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words. This will improve readability and strengthen the cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. While your essay presents general ideas well, adding detailed examples can enhance the relevance and persuasiveness of your points.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on the implications and broader impact of your points. Discussing the wider societal, economic, or environmental effects can provide a deeper understanding of the topic and enrich your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Keep working on balancing the structure of your argument. While you have an introduction and conclusion, try to allocate similar lengths and depths of analysis to both the positive and negative aspects discussed in the body paragraphs.
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