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Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram illustrates the volume of electricity produced and consumed in ten countries in 2014

The diagram illustrates the volume of electricity produced and consumed in ten countries in 2014
The bar chart compares the amount of
the
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electricity
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 which was produced and used in 10 different countries in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, China is the most produced and used the amount of
electricity
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 than other countries.
However
Linking Words
, Korea is the least one in the given list. Looking at
the
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more detail, China was
a
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in a
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dominant position in both the production and the consumption of
electricity
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in
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5,398
trillion
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kWh
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 and 5,322
trillion
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kWh
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 respectively. The United States experienced a bit lower in the production of
electricity
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in
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4,099
trillion
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kWh
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 and the consumption
in
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of
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 3,866
trillion
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kWh
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. The next one was Russia, which produced and used in about more than 1
trillion
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kWh
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 of
electricity
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. In stark contrast, there was a slight rise in the production of
electricity
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 in the rest of the countries rather than the consumption of
electricity
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 except for Germany.
Finally
Linking Words
, Korea was the smallest indication on the list which
was
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produced 485.1 billion
kWh
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 and consumed 449.5 billion
kWh
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.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, trillion, kwh with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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