IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter •Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team •Summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts •Say how you think the company should spend the money

Dear Sir or Madam, I am Mohammadreza Hadavi, and I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my opinions about spending money to support a sports team or to pay for two open-air concerts. The benefits of sponsoring a
children
Use synonyms
's sports team for two years are numerous. One of the most significant advantages of it is encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to engage in physical activity, which enhances their well-being.
In addition
Linking Words
,
such
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 activities lead to increased abilities in
children
Use synonyms
, namely communication, teamwork, and critical thinking. All of these not only help
children
Use synonyms
 become successful in their personal and social lives but
also
Linking Words
 lead to
overall
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 well-being in society. The advantages of funding the concerts are that it can be beneficial for people who are interested in music, which allows them to have joyful moments with their family in a musical atmosphere.
In addition
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, these activities can transcend the existing barriers among generations and facilitate the exchange of customs among them. I believe that it is better to divide money between both, since both are crucial for society.
In addition
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, the ripple effects it creates would lead to a valuable cycle of development. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Mohammadreza Hadavi

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task response
Explain more about how money helps both options with a short plan or numbers, and say clearly which option you think is best.
coherence and cohesion
Use more simple links to join ideas and keep one main idea per paragraph; start each paragraph with a bit that tells the plan.
greeting and closing
Polite tone and proper opening and closing.
task response
The letter covers all parts of the task (sports, concerts, and a choice).
coherence
Good order of ideas with separate parts for sports and concerts.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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