IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some countries young people have less leisure time and under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the majority of young people have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very little leisure time. I believe that every teenager
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 their own reasons why they have less free time to relax,but most of them
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
, because of family influence. Every parent wants and wishes to see their child or
children
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
live happily and have a successful job.
That is
Linking Words
 why they make their kids
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
study harder and spend hours every day giving them extra tuition.
This
Linking Words
 amount of pressure
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a very high
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 the cause of depression or any other mental illness
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
children
Use synonyms
 are afraid to see the look with full
disappointment
Change preposition
of disappointment
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 eyes. The only solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem is for the
parents
Use synonyms
 to understand the effects of stress they give to their kids.
Children
Use synonyms
 trust their
parents
Use synonyms
 since the start of their birth and they are basically her/his idols. If they love their
children
Use synonyms
 as much as they love them
then
Linking Words
 they should consider his/her dreams and
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if their daughter wants to become an artist
instead
Linking Words
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 doctor, sane
parents
Use synonyms
 should respect and support her
desicion
Correct your spelling
decision
 if it makes her happy. In the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that the
parents
Use synonyms
 should just talk calmly with their
children
Use synonyms
. It does not matter if they would be rich and famous or not, all that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
matters is their beloved
children
Use synonyms
's happiness.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should introduce the topic and preview the main ideas. Each body paragraph should contain a clear main idea with supporting details. The conclusion should summarize the points made in the essay without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to help link ideas and paragraphs, such as conjunctions, discourse markers, and pronouns. Avoid overusing these devices and aim for variety in your language.
task achievement
Respond directly to the task prompt by giving a clear opinion or response and ensure your essay addresses all parts of the prompt. Develop your main ideas fully with examples and explanations to support your points.
task achievement
Provide clear and specific examples to support your ideas, ensuring they are relevant to the topic. Avoid vague statements and ensure that each example serves a purpose in supporting your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: