These days some people spend a lot of money on ticket to go to sporting or events.is this positive or negative trend?
Presently myriad of
people
like to visit sporting events
or entertainment events
at live venues. High
disposable income group is splurging on attending Correct article usage
The high
events
. This
trend is a negative one as it promotes on
spending Change preposition
apply
hard earned
money on Add a hyphen
hard-earned
events
instead
of making investments or savings. In my opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
people
should not spend on sporting
or other Replace the word
sports
events
.
Admittedly, sporting events
or other events
are witnessing high
number of ticket sales by audiences as it has become Change the article
a high
the high
symbol
of Add an article
a symbol
the symbol
lavish
lifestyle. Correct article usage
a lavish
Furthermore
, most urban areas now organise events
to lure live audience
and make tons of money in 2 to 3 hours. It results in deep Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
hole
in Fix the agreement mistake
holes
pockets
of audiences. Correct article usage
the pockets
For instance
, in India IPL events
are so successful that they run advance booking of tickets for matches. As people
are neglecting the importance of investing, I believe it is setting a negative trend.
Events
like sporting
or Replace the word
sports
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
also
promote less productivity and create illusion
filled lifestyle. Correct article usage
an illusion
Additionally
, people
are more interested in attending events
instead
of working in offices and businesses. As children idolise sports persons and actors, actresses as their heroes. Particularly pupils think that it’s a glamorous field with lavish
lifestyle. Add an article
a lavish
For example
, Ronaldo is considered hero
among children all over the world as compared to scientists and researchers. I am of the opinion that sporting or live Add an article
a hero
events
should not be hyped with publicity.
In conclusion, events
like sporting
or entertainment Replace the word
sports
is
setting Change the verb form
are
negative
trend. Lots of Add an article
the negative
a negative
people
flock to venues of these events
squandering their hard-earned money. There should be limits on organising such
events
along with
spending limit
too.Fix the agreement mistake
limits
Submitted by yash334 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear paragraphing and topic sentences that guide the reader through your arguments, consider structuring your ideas in a more organized way.
coherence cohesion
You should use a wider range of cohesive devices and discourse markers to improve the flow and connection between ideas.
task achievement
The essay did not fully address the task prompt, as it is required to discuss both the positive and negative aspects of the trend, not just a one-sided perspective. Make sure your essay provides a balanced view when the question asks for it.
task achievement
Your examples and explanations need to be more relevant and fully expanded to effectively support the points you are making. Be sure to illustrate your points with clear examples that directly relate to the question.
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