Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #home #six #seven #years #school

Although

some

parents

prefer their

kids

who are 6 or 7 years old to stay home and play, others think it is better for their

kids

to go to

school

at a young

age

. In my opinion, I believe

children

should go to

school

and see the world. In

this

essay, I will discuss why

parents

want their

kids

to stay home or go to

school

and explain my opinion. Some people believe education is not essential for young

age

kids

, they should sit at home and have fun.

This

is because they think

kids

can not sit in a class and learn and they want to keep an eye on their

children

. To start with, some think it is almost impossible to control and convince

kids

to sit in a chair and study, they always have the energy to jump and play throughout their day.

Secondly

, some

parents

think teachers will not keep an eye on their

kids

and what they play with.

For example

, my nephew was playing with other

kids

school

, and he fell on her arm and broke it.

On the Other hand

, some think

kids

who go to

school

at a young

age

will get many benefits.

This

is because

kids

will improve their communication skills and their

ability

to learn will gain effect.

First,

children

will have the

ability

to meet new people other than family and make new friends, which will help them to make new friends and the

ability

to have a discussion and communicate with others.

In addition

to the first point, young

age

children

have the

ability

to learn more easily than 6 or 7 years old.

For instance

, I have a friend who started learning how to write code at a young

age

, now he has the

ability

to write in 13 programming languages and do frontend, backend, database and data science. In my point of view, going to

school

at a young

age

will give the kid a lot of opportunities in life, but

parents

pick a

school

that could provide quality for

kids

. In conclusion, some people believe

children

must enjoy themselves and have fun, others think it is an opportunity to start learning at a young

age

. For me, I believe they should study and learn before they get old.

Submitted by abdullahalsheeha18 on Fri Dec 01 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the introduction provides a clear outline of the essay's direction to better guide the reader.

coherence cohesion

Aim to create paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, using appropriate linking words to enhance logical flow.

coherence cohesion

For a higher score, support main points with more detailed examples and explanations to demonstrate thorough understanding.

task achievement

In the task response, be sure that both sides of the argument are discussed equally and that your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not just at the end.

task achievement

Develop ideas comprehensively by exploring each point more fully with specific details and explanations.

task achievement

Incorporate a variety of specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and make the essay more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

385 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some parents believe that children today spend too much time looking at screens. Others argue that this is necessary in the modern world. Discuss both views and give your opinion.