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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #home #six #seven #years #school
Although
 some
parents
 prefer their
kids
 who are 6 or 7 years old to stay home and play, others think it is better for their
kids
 to go to
school
 at a young
age
. In my opinion, I believe
children
 should go to
school
 and see the world. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why
parents
 want their
kids
 to stay home or go to
school
 and explain my opinion. Some people believe education is not essential for young
age
kids
, they should sit at home and have fun.
This
 is because they think
kids
 can not sit in a class and learn and they want to keep an eye on their
children
. To start with, some think it is almost impossible to control and convince
kids
 to sit in a chair and study, they always have the energy to jump and play throughout their day.
Secondly
, some
parents
 think teachers will not keep an eye on their
kids
 and what they play with.
For example
, my nephew was playing with other
kids
 at
school
, and he fell on her arm and broke it.
On the Other hand
, some think
kids
 who go to
school
 at a young
age
 will get many benefits.
This
 is because
kids
 will improve their communication skills and their
ability
 to learn will gain effect.
First,
children
 will have the
ability
 to meet new people other than family and make new friends, which will help them to make new friends and the
ability
 to have a discussion and communicate with others.
In addition
 to the first point, young
age
children
 have the
ability
 to learn more easily than 6 or 7 years old.
For instance
, I have a friend who started learning how to write code at a young
age
, now he has the
ability
 to write in 13 programming languages and do frontend, backend, database and data science. In my point of view, going to
school
 at a young
age
 will give the kid a lot of opportunities in life, but
parents
 pick a
school
 that could provide quality for
kids
. In conclusion, some people believe
children
 must enjoy themselves and have fun, others think it is an opportunity to start learning at a young
age
. For me, I believe they should study and learn before they get old.
Submitted by abdullahalsheeha18 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction provides a clear outline of the essay's direction to better guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Aim to create paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, using appropriate linking words to enhance logical flow.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score, support main points with more detailed examples and explanations to demonstrate thorough understanding.
task achievement
In the task response, be sure that both sides of the argument are discussed equally and that your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not just at the end.
task achievement
Develop ideas comprehensively by exploring each point more fully with specific details and explanations.
task achievement
Incorporate a variety of specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and make the essay more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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