Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Developed
countries
should provide other types of help to the poor countries
because,
providing only financial aid is not sufficient for the poorer Remove the comma
apply
countries
to solve poverty. I agree with the statement and this
essay provides you with the supporting ideas.
In my opinion, financial help is not the only thing to develop a poor country
. Well-developed countries
often fund money to the poorer countries
to develop the environment. For example
, a recent study says that the rich countries
has
been funded Change the verb form
have
to
the poorer Change preposition
apply
countries
but, the development process in
not used efficiently Correct your spelling
is
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
as
the government has Correct word choice
apply
being
using the funded amount for other purposes rather than developing the Change the verb form
been
country
and this
leads to even worse than improving the poor country
. This
is why rich countries
who are providing the amount should be able to implement the amount for good use rather than just giving money.
Secondly
, financial support alone will not help the poorer countries
to solve poverty, as rich countries
are well developed and equipped with the
advanced technology, the poor Correct article usage
apply
countries
are even lacking with
Change preposition
apply
the
basic technology Correct article usage
apply
such
as internet
. Add an article
the internet
For instance
, a country
without internet
Correct article usage
the internet
is lacking
so much Wrong verb form
lacks
of
knowledge and information on what's going on the earth Change preposition
apply
whereas
the rich countries
are even getting advanced technologies by this
the rich countries
become more
richer and the poor Change the word
apply
countries
remain poor. In my point of view, the
Correct article usage
apply
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
countries
should invest in infrastructure and education with technology for free in poorer countries
and guide them how
to use these Change preposition
on how
equippments
.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that rich Correct your spelling
equipment
countries
should invest more than
Change preposition
in
finacial
support to help the poorer Correct your spelling
financial
countries
gain poverty and by this
the poorer Add a comma
this,
countries
will gain little
bit of knowledge and slowly become a developed Add an article
a little
country
.Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow and clear progression of ideas. There are elements of good structure, but some ideas jump abruptly from one to another without a smooth transition. Work on linking sentences and paragraphs more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea to be discussed in each paragraph. Support all arguments with more relevant examples and detailed explanations. Some general statements would benefit from specific evidence to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Stick closely to the topic throughout the essay. You have addressed the prompt, but it is important to expand on all aspects of the question and not veer off-topic. Provide a complete response by addressing both sides of the argument if required by the task.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and understandable, but aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic by examining different dimensions and implications of the issue. Avoid generalizations and strive to provide a nuanced perspective.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider variety of examples that are specific, accurately detailed and directly relevant to the topic. Examples should elucidate and support your main points while also demonstrating a clear understanding of the issue.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite