Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Developed
countries
should provide other types of help to the poor
countries
because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
providing only financial aid is not sufficient for the poorer
countries
to solve poverty. I agree with the statement and
this
essay provides you with the supporting ideas. In my opinion, financial help is not the only thing to develop a poor
country
. Well-developed
countries
often fund money to the poorer
countries
to develop the environment.
For example
, a recent study says that the rich
countries
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
been funded
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the poorer
countries
but, the development process
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
not used efficiently
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the government has
being
Change the verb form
been
show examples
using the funded amount for other purposes rather than developing the
country
and
this
leads to even worse than improving the poor
country
.
This
is why rich
countries
who are providing the amount should be able to implement the amount for good use rather than just giving money.
Secondly
, financial support alone will not help the poorer
countries
to solve poverty, as rich
countries
are well developed and equipped with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced technology, the poor
countries
are even lacking
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic technology
such
as
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
For instance
, a
country
without
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
is lacking
Wrong verb form
lacks
show examples
so much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
knowledge and information on what's going on the earth
whereas
the rich
countries
are even getting advanced technologies by
this
the rich
countries
become
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
richer and the poor
countries
remain poor. In my point of view,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
countries
should invest in infrastructure and education with technology for free in poorer
countries
and guide them
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
to use these
equippments
Correct your spelling
equipment
. In conclusion, I strongly agree that rich
countries
should invest more
than
Change preposition
in
show examples
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
support to help the poorer
countries
gain poverty and by
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
the poorer
countries
will gain
little
Add an article
a little
show examples
bit of knowledge and slowly become a developed
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
Submitted by akitirishika on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow and clear progression of ideas. There are elements of good structure, but some ideas jump abruptly from one to another without a smooth transition. Work on linking sentences and paragraphs more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea to be discussed in each paragraph. Support all arguments with more relevant examples and detailed explanations. Some general statements would benefit from specific evidence to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Stick closely to the topic throughout the essay. You have addressed the prompt, but it is important to expand on all aspects of the question and not veer off-topic. Provide a complete response by addressing both sides of the argument if required by the task.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and understandable, but aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic by examining different dimensions and implications of the issue. Avoid generalizations and strive to provide a nuanced perspective.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider variety of examples that are specific, accurately detailed and directly relevant to the topic. Examples should elucidate and support your main points while also demonstrating a clear understanding of the issue.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: