Many people choose natural healing methods, such as acupuncture and massage therapy to recover from illness. Others prefer to use pharmaceutical drugs prescribe by their doctor for their aliments.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Choosing an effective way of
medicine
is crucial for many people. Proper
medicine
treatment brings a person in proper mental and physical conditions which are necessary in terms of social and work adaptivity
Although
some individuals claim natural treatments
such
as herbal or massage are preferable, I strongly believe that official
medicine
is much more effective because of the certain effect and less
time
recovering. The certain and predictable effect of healing methods is tremendously important for people. It is because individuals must be confident, they are healthy in the nearest
time
for society contribution and ability to work.
Whereas
using alternative kinds of
medicine
has been widespread in recent times, only official pharma investigations
such
as penicillin and vaccination increased the average human life expectancy.
For example
, the average life rate was only 23 years 2000 years ago, 26 in the medieval centuries, 26 at the beginning of 18 century and 72 years in the present day after creating meaningful pharmaceutical drugs.
Consequently
, natural healing methods, which have been used during human history are not as effective as the pharmaceutical drugs prescribed by doctors. Another serious reason for choosing the official way of healing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is the speed of recovery. Reducing healing
time
is important for jobs and society.
In other words
, the absence for a long
time
in social life can bring people serious losses in terms of money, opportunities and relationships and cannot be allowed.
Hence
, an effective pharmaceutical treatment helps to avoid
this
problem.
To sum up
, it is really important to choose the right way of healing.
Although
massage or acupuncture can bring relief, the official pharmaceutical drugs cope with illness more effectively and fast which is confirmed by statistical investigations and human history.
Submitted by tarasovnn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay provides an opinion and some level of development of arguments; however, it requires more elaborate explanations and clearer paragraphing to enhance logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly distinguishable from the rest of the essay with strong opening and closing statements respectively. The conclusion should mirror the opinions and summaries discussed in the essay without introducing new arguments.
coherence cohesion
While the essay supports main points, they need to be presented with more detailed examples and explanations. Aim to have a more developed main body of the essay where each paragraph elaborates a single argument with cleary defined examples.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents a position but to achieve higher marks, ensure that all parts of the prompt are equally addressed and that main ideas are expanded upon comprehensively.
task achievement
To clarify and broaden your ideas, include more specific and relevant examples that directly support your arguments. This depth of explanation will contribute to a higher score in task achievement.
task achievement
Task achievement can be improved by fully answering the prompt, ensuring that your ideas are comprehensive and making it explicit how they address the topic. Refrain from making generalized statements without backing them up with focused and detailed examples or reasoning.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: