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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information on the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets.

The table below gives information on the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets.
#information #proportion #carbohydrates #protein #three #diets
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The pie charts compare the
differents
Correct your spelling
differences
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 in carbonhydrates,
protein
Use synonyms
 and fat of
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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diets
Change preposition
of diets
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. In general,
although
Linking Words
 the highest percentage accounted for
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 in all three figures, in average
diet
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protein
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 has the same proportion
with
Change preposition
as
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 these. In
average
Correct article usage
an average
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diet
Use synonyms
, both
carbohydrates
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 and
protein
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 account for the same percentage, at 40%. Meanwhile, fat is twice time lower, at 20%, which is the lowest category. In the healthy
diet
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, there is a half accounting for
carbohydrates
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, which is the highest.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the next highest percentage
represent
Wrong verb form
is represented
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 by
protein
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 and fat, at 30% and 20%, respectively. In
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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diet
Use synonyms
 for sport,
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
still
Add a missing verb
are still
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 the highest among
three
Correct article usage
the three
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 figures, followed by
protein
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 and fat, at 25% and 15%, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 for sport has the highest level of
carbohydrates
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 among these figures, at 60%, its fat is the lowest, at only 15%. The highest level of
protein
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accoungted
Correct your spelling
accounted
 for
average
Correct article usage
the average
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diet
Use synonyms
, at 40%. Both
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 and healthy
diet
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 the same level of fat (20%).
Submitted by lethigialinh77 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words protein, carbohydrates, diet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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