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Band 2.5

Q People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#q #people #freedom #work #world #development #communication #technology #transportation
In recent years, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people have
no
Correct your spelling
not
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consideration
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considered
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to stay
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staying
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 anywhere since technology and transportation have
been
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apply
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grown in advance.
Beside of
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Besides
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 its
benefit
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benefits
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, I strongly believe it will cause more drawbacks than
goods
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good
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.
Correct pronoun usage
ones.
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 On the one hand,
variety
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a variety
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 of
job
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jobs
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 creates an opportunity for
employee
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employees
show examples
 to
any
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do any
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job
 like
remote
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a remote
the remote
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job
 which they can
work
 from anywhere. In
this
 situation, workers will use the advance of technology to
keep
Verb problem
maintain
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a
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apply
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good communication with others that can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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come from around the world.
This
 improvement can be a great thing for the workers to expand their networking and get into a
job
 that they
are interest
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are interested
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 in.
On the other hand
, having a home
that is
 separate
away
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apply
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from their
work
 office possibly
wasting
Wrong verb form
wastes
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people
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people's
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 money and time as if they
work
 from
office
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the office
an office
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.
This
 can happen because people need to pay for the vehicle that helps
human
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humans
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 to move from one to another place. In
additon
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addition
, more time is wasted on a long trip
while
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when
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 it can be replaced by another beneficial thing to do
instead
 of riding or
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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at
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a
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passanger
Correct your spelling
passenger
 position in transportation.
To sum up
, having a house and
work
 place that are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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different
place
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places
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 can
be
Verb problem
have
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 a good and bad effect simultaneously and its
drawback
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drawbacks
show examples
 outweigh its
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.
However
, it depends on what type of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 it is.
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence and should follow a logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
Work on developing ideas fully. Each main idea should be explained and supported with specific examples or explanations. Avoid general statements without concrete evidence.
task achievement
Pay close attention to the prompt and ensure that both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages) are addressed adequately before reaching a reasoned conclusion. In your conclusion, summarize the main points to reiterate your position.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions by using cohesive devices to link ideas, sentences, and paragraphs. This helps the reader to understand the relationship between ideas and follow the argument more easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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