Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

#diseases #measures

The main tremendous expense from most of the countries is in the health sector.

For instance

, doing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

research or treatment for people who

suffered

Wrong verb form

suffer

show examples

from their illness could burn the

goverment's

Correct your spelling

government's

money.

In addition

, a project related to curing and seeking

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

other alternatives

take

Correct subject-verb agreement

takes

show examples

a lot of time

though

Rephrase

apply

show examples

. I mainly believe

Correct word choice

that

show examples

people could change their

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

at first as a shape

Change preposition

show examples

prevention

Replace the word

prevent

show examples

getting infected. If people tried to at least

starting

Change the verb

start

show examples

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise, eat

a healthy food

Remove the article

healthy food

a portion of healthy food

show examples

avoid

Correct word choice

and avoid

show examples

put

Wrong verb form

putting

show examples

too much sugar or everything too much, it

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

be more

advantage

Replace the word

advantageous

show examples

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sat Dec 02 2023

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Task Achievement

In terms of Task Achievement, you must ensure that your response fully answers the question, explores the topic appropriately, and presents a clear position throughout the response. The answer provided is very brief and does not address the arguments for preventative measures or comparing them to the costs and benefits of research into diseases. Develop your points further, provide explicit arguments and examples, and structure your essay in such a way that it offers a detailed and comprehensive discussion on the topic.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your coherence and cohesion need significant improvement. An essay of this type should have a clear introductory paragraph, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, each serving a distinct purpose. Logical connectors and cohesive devices should be used to appropriately structure the essay and help it flow. Aim to present your ideas in an organized manner with clear relationships between your sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

97 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the media have to right to publish detail of people’s view, while other thinks it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

In recent years, there has been a rise in the popularity of second-hand clothing amongst the younger generation. Why is this happening? Do you think it’s a positive or negative development?