Discuss both views and give your opinion. Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and colleges. To what extent do you agree or disagree with?
Some people strongly believe that junky
food
should be banned in schools and colleges, since a problem of childhood obesity throughout the Eearth
. Correct your spelling
Earth
This
essay totally agrees with that opinion. Firstly
, fast food
is
negatively Unnecessary verb
apply
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
to
health. Change preposition
apply
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
sweets
and sugary snacks are dangerous for child's
brain and education.
The reason that makes me agree Correct article usage
a child's
in
that fast Correct your spelling
is
food
can cause terrible diseases, such
as Childhood obesity. Fast food
contains a lot of fats and bad nutrients. If children eat junky food
, they would have big problems with Correct pronoun usage
their stomach
stomach
. Unfortunately, there was a case, when Fix the agreement mistake
stomachs
student
died from eating only fast Add an article
a student
food
.
Another reason that makes me agree is sweets
and sugary drinks stop the child's developing
. There is no doubt, Replace the word
development
such
products do not contain any healthy nutrients or vitamins. Correct word choice
that such
For instance
, our brain must get such
nutrients from the food
. Thus
, it
won't get them from Correct pronoun usage
they
sweets
and sugary, because, they have only sugar without any vitamins.
However
, some people think that fast food
and sugar drinks or not unhealthy. But, their position have
weak points. There Change the verb form
has
is
not any researchers, which Change the verb form
are
proof
that junky Replace the word
prove
food
support
the body in general.
In conclusion, fast Change the verb form
supports
food
, sweets
and sugary snacks must be blocked
in schools and colleges. First of all, Verb problem
banned
such
products do not have any positive effects to
health. And Change preposition
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
last
, but not the
least, it causes terrible diseases, especially among Correct article usage
apply
the
children and students. Correct article usage
apply
Never the less
, some individuals have Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
an opposite
opinion
.Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
Submitted by ronadeclaro on
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task achievement
Ensure that you provide a balanced discussion of both views presented in the question before offering your own opinion. Your essay leans towards one viewpoint without adequately discussing the opposing view.
coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of your essay by including clear, separate paragraphs for each main point. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
task achievement
Support your arguments with specific examples or evidence to increase the strength of your assertions. General statements are less persuasive and may leave the reader unconvinced.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Correct grammatical errors and improve the range of vocabulary to accurately express your ideas. Errors in sentence structure and word choice can obscure meaning and reduce the impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Carefully read through your essay to check for and correct any spelling or typographical errors. Consistently accurate spelling is important for conveying a professional and competent impression.
task achievement
Your conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points of your essay and clearly state your own position. It's also an opportunity to make a final impact on the reader, so consider ending with a strong, definitive statement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.