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Writing Samples
Band 5

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days,
it is clear that
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 money plays a crucial role in our lives.
Therefore
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, the main reason to
work
Use synonyms
hardly
Change the word
hard
show examples
 in a particular office or workplace is to generate much more money. I concur that they should lobby with much effort to occupy wealth and live without any financial issues.  It is estimated that almost the entire population of all countries holds certain types of jobs to make a living. I agree with
this
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 upward tendency to alleviate financial issues by dedicating themselves to their professions. If they
work
Use synonyms
hardly
Change the word
hard
show examples
, they can consume meals that they want, and they can purchase commodities that they want to wear in order to boast.
As a result
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 of owning these kinds of latest versions of clothes or massive cars, other
people
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 look up to those wealthy humans.
Furthermore
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, they can tackle their challenges with a lot of funding. To illustrate, in some developed countries,
such
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 as America, there are some celebrities, including Jeff Bezos who is capable of changing a person from their own job to another one
due to
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 their success.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should strive to do their
work
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 well.
Nevertheless
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, I partly disagree that hard
work
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 can lead to serious difficulties, including illness, burning
out
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apply
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, and sleepiness.
In other words
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, if
people
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labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 diligently,
this
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 occasion insists on not sleeping. With any relaxation,
people
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 become intensely sick. To illustrate, in our fast-paced world, hard
work
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 sparks more than 745,000
humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
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 deaths.
Furthermore
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, burning out plays an essential role
among
Change preposition
in
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 any
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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. What I mean by
this
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 is that employees are converted into lazy
people
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 by hard
work
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.
Nevertheless
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, I have a greater tendency to agree with working hard
due to
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 its myriad benefits.  In conclusion, I agree that
people
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 should
work
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 hard, as I discussed above, but they should not forget the drawbacks of
this
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 circumstance.

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coherence cohesion
You should aim to have a clear central topic within each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the following sentences elaborate on this. Use cohesive devices effectively to connect your ideas and paragraphs, avoiding overuse or misuse.
task achievement
Make sure you address all parts of the task. Your response must be directly relevant to the prompt and fully elaborate on your viewpoint. Use a range of structures and vocabulary to articulate your ideas clearly and precisely.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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