For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days,
it is clear that
money plays a crucial role in our lives.
Therefore
, the main reason to
work
hardly
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hard
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in a particular office or workplace is to generate much more money. I concur that they should lobby with much effort to occupy wealth and live without any financial issues.  It is estimated that almost the entire population of all countries holds certain types of jobs to make a living. I agree with
this
upward tendency to alleviate financial issues by dedicating themselves to their professions. If they
work
hardly
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hard
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, they can consume meals that they want, and they can purchase commodities that they want to wear in order to boast.
As a result
of owning these kinds of latest versions of clothes or massive cars, other
people
look up to those wealthy humans.
Furthermore
, they can tackle their challenges with a lot of funding. To illustrate, in some developed countries,
such
as America, there are some celebrities, including Jeff Bezos who is capable of changing a person from their own job to another one
due to
their success.
Therefore
,
people
should strive to do their
work
well.
Nevertheless
, I partly disagree that hard
work
can lead to serious difficulties, including illness, burning
out
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apply
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, and sleepiness.
In other words
, if
people
labor
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labour
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diligently,
this
occasion insists on not sleeping. With any relaxation,
people
become intensely sick. To illustrate, in our fast-paced world, hard
work
sparks more than 745,000
humans'
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human'
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deaths.
Furthermore
, burning out plays an essential role
among
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in
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any
diseases
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disease
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. What I mean by
this
is that employees are converted into lazy
people
by hard
work
.
Nevertheless
, I have a greater tendency to agree with working hard
due to
its myriad benefits.  In conclusion, I agree that
people
should
work
hard, as I discussed above, but they should not forget the drawbacks of
this
circumstance.
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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coherence cohesion
You should aim to have a clear central topic within each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the following sentences elaborate on this. Use cohesive devices effectively to connect your ideas and paragraphs, avoiding overuse or misuse.
task achievement
Make sure you address all parts of the task. Your response must be directly relevant to the prompt and fully elaborate on your viewpoint. Use a range of structures and vocabulary to articulate your ideas clearly and precisely.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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