Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Undoubtedly,
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
world is the world of diversity. We can vividly see that
people
have more tendency these days to try new types of almost everything.
One
of the most
crucuial
Correct your spelling
crucial
things is
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
junk
food
which
according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists could be very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. There are two groups among
people
, and
one
group
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
that we should train
people
, unlike the other
group
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
public
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
is not beneficial. The first
group
interpret
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the fact which is "
juck
Correct your spelling
junk
food
is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
our
body
'
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
crytal
Correct your spelling
crystal
clear and
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of
people
know about
this
fact, but they prefer to ignore it because they do not actually aware of the actual consequences of
junk
food
in our
body
and organs. They explain that it is
Correct article usage
the governments'
show examples
governments'
Change noun form
government's
show examples
duty to warn
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
;
for example
, via attaching labels on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
merchandise packages, or television advertisements.
On the other hand
, the
oponent
Correct your spelling
opponent
group
say it is just
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
of time because no
one
will be noticed.
People
like snacks and
junk
food
because it is delicious.
In addition
to that, occasionally they consume it during their spare time or when they go to the cinema or
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
. So our ads could not be beneficial for them unless they understand it by experience;
for example
, imagine you always say to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society that your
body
is going to be
hermed
Correct your spelling
harmed
by eating
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
trash. Will they find out it?
Absoloutely
Correct your spelling
Absolutely
no, until they or
one
of their family member experience a devastating situation after over-eating
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
junk
food
. As far as I am concerned,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should tell the
people
about
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
and cons of
junk
food
and how could
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
harm our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
in the future.
Moreover
, the other way is making the producers of
this
industry
to increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
the price of their products.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, we will observe
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
consumerism of these kinds of snacks in the near future.
Overall
, I believe that stating
taxs
Correct your spelling
taxes
tax
and huge ads
agains
Correct your spelling
against
junk
food
could prevent
people
from purchasing those harmful snacks.
Submitted by tg.persian on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences should support that idea.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas, paragraphs, and sentences. This includes conjunctions, referencing words, and synonyms to avoid repetition.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. This means discussing both views presented in the question and providing your own opinion.
task achievement
Develop ideas fully and extend your response with relevant examples that support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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