IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Undoubtedly,
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 world is the world of diversity. We can vividly see that
people
Use synonyms
 have more tendency these days to try new types of almost everything.
One
Use synonyms
 of the most
crucuial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 things is
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 which
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scientists could be very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 our
Use synonyms
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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. There are two groups among
people
Use synonyms
, and
one
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that we should train
people
Use synonyms
, unlike the other
group
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
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think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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public
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 is not beneficial. The first
group
Use synonyms
 interpret
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the fact which is "
juck
Correct your spelling
junk
food
Use synonyms
 is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 our
body
Use synonyms
'
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
crytal
Correct your spelling
crystal
 clear and
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 know about
this
Linking Words
 fact, but they prefer to ignore it because they do not actually aware of the actual consequences of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 in our
body
Use synonyms
 and organs. They explain that it is
Correct article usage
the governments'
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governments'
Change noun form
government's
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 duty to warn
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
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;
for example
Linking Words
, via attaching labels on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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merchandise packages, or television advertisements.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
oponent
Correct your spelling
opponent
group
Use synonyms
 say it is just
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of time because no
one
Use synonyms
 will be noticed.
People
Use synonyms
 like snacks and
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 because it is delicious.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, occasionally they consume it during their spare time or when they go to the cinema or
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
. So our ads could not be beneficial for them unless they understand it by experience;
for example
Linking Words
, imagine you always say to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society that your
body
Use synonyms
 is going to be
hermed
Correct your spelling
harmed
 by eating
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 trash. Will they find out it?
Absoloutely
Correct your spelling
Absolutely
 no, until they or
one
Use synonyms
 of their family member experience a devastating situation after over-eating
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. As far as I am concerned,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should tell the
people
Use synonyms
 about
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and cons of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 and how could
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
harm our
Use synonyms
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 in the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the other way is making the producers of
this
Linking Words
 industry
to increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 the price of their products.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, we will observe
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 consumerism of these kinds of snacks in the near future.
Overall
Linking Words
, I believe that stating
taxs
Correct your spelling
taxes
tax
 and huge ads
agains
Correct your spelling
against
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 could prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from purchasing those harmful snacks.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences should support that idea.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas, paragraphs, and sentences. This includes conjunctions, referencing words, and synonyms to avoid repetition.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. This means discussing both views presented in the question and providing your own opinion.
task achievement
Develop ideas fully and extend your response with relevant examples that support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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