IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the clauses of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Nowadays, more and more
people
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 are becoming sick
due to
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stress
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-related illnesses.
This
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essay
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 will discuss the two main causes, including a hectic lifestyle and increased
work
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pressure
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.
This
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essay
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 will
also
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 suggest solutions, including
work
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-life balance and doing more mental-physical exercises. The lifestyles of individuals have drastically changed over the past few decades, resulting in a chaotic life.
People
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 are working longer hours than ever before.
In addition
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, they have more job
pressure
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.
People
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 place themselves in these
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
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 conditions because the workforce is a competitive domain and there is job scarcity in the organization.
For example
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,
people
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work
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 longer hours either
due to
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 the job's demand or to gain a better career in the future,
as well as
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 to provide a standard of living for family members.
This
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 often results in mental and physical suffering because they have to
work
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 overtime and take on additional roles, which can be stressful. In order to eradicate
stress
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-related problems, mental and physical exercise Maintaining
work
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-life balance is a crucial step in one's life.
People
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 need to understand the importance of a
stress
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-free life in order to lead a healthy lifestyle and maintain their personal
as well as
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 professional lives.
For instance
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, mental exercises like yoga or meditation can release
stress
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 that has been built up.
Therefore
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, in order to reduce
work
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pressure
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, one must include a better ratio of
work
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, rest, exercise, and dietary sustenance.
To conclude
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,
stress
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 has become a major factor in the fast-paced lives of
people
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.
This
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essay
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 discussed
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
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 of
stress
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 is often caused by long working hours and intense workplace
pressure
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.
This
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essay
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also
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 provided the solutions to eliminate
stress
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people
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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include
Wrong verb form
including
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 good
work
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-life balance and
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 more frequently.

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introductory paragraph with a thesis statement and a conclusion that summarises your main points. They were not adequately developed in this essay.
Support for Main Points
Aim to develop and elaborate on your main ideas with detailed examples and explanations. Your essay lacks specific examples to illustrate the points made.
Logical Structure and Cohesion
Work on creating clear and logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. The essay could benefit from improved signposting and cohesive devices.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task and ensure your response answers the question comprehensively. Your essay should provide specific solutions to the causes mentioned and should be fully developed throughout.
Development of Ideas
Enhance the clarity and comprehensive nature of your ideas. Your essay should develop each point with clarity and depth, avoiding vague statements.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Chronic stress
  • Work-life balance
  • Technological burnout
  • Societal expectations
  • Heart disease
  • Mental health
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Preventive measures
  • Mindfulness
  • Mental health services
  • Public health campaigns
  • Stress management
  • Community engagement
  • Employee well-being
  • Legislation
  • Mind-body connection
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