Some people believe that to give opportunuties to the new generation, companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?
In
todays
era, everyone is busy Change to a genitive case
today's
for
making their life easier, it includes all age groups. Mostly senior citizens and youngsters both are working in various companies so I feel that those employees Change preposition
apply
needs
Change the verb form
need
retirement
now who are older enough to enjoy their life without any worries. I am going to explain my views in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, people
who are older then
55 or 60 years Correct your spelling
than
they
need to get Correct pronoun usage
apply
retiement
because it can open up Correct your spelling
retirement
then
new opportunities for youngsters they can work on their positions as well as
it is also
going to beneficial
for companies because there are Add a missing verb
be beneficial
chances
that they can get more profit. Every generation is more intelligent as compared to their
Change the word
the
last
one, so their
are Replace the word
there
chances
that they can use their new ideas in that company.
Moreover
, older people
can also
get some rest and after retirement
they can go somewhere to enjoy Add a comma
retirement,
their
rest of Change the word
the
life's
. There are Change the noun form
lives
life
chances
that they can get mental and physical rest through their vacations. For example
, according to
Ajit
newspaper report in 2005 Correct article usage
an Ajit
that
Correct word choice
apply
mostly
working Correct your spelling
most
people
are not spending enough time with their families so after retirement
they have Add a comma
retirement,
chances
to spending
time with families or they can Wrong verb form
spend
also
learn their favourite skills.
To conclude
, people
need retirement
in
Change preposition
at
specific
age because it can give opportunities to other Correct article usage
a specific
people
as well as
it is also
good for their well-being.Submitted by rajdeepsidhuk23 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. To enhance your task achievement score, ensure that you fully develop your ideas by expanding on your arguments and providing more detailed explanations. This will demonstrate a broader range and depth of language.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical progression in your essay, but the transitions between ideas can sometimes seem abrupt. To improve your coherence and cohesion score, work on using a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to signal the start of paragraphs, and ensure clear connections between ideas for a smoother flow of information.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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