Throughout history, people dream to live in a perfect society while they haven’t agreed what the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think makes a perfect society? What people do to achieve an ideal society?
When I think of the perfect
society
, i
think of Change the capitalization
I
justice
and equality
. There has been so much injustice and inequality all over the world. There’s
different types, gender inequality, Change the verb form
There are
race
. If we had Correct word choice
and race
justice
and equality
we would live more in a utopian society
than a dystopian one. There are many good things
that would come out of having justice
and equality
.
For example
, regarding gender equality
, there would be equal pay and everyone especially
the Add the comma(s)
, especially
women
in the workforce, corporate
Jobs would be happier as they would not have to compete and lose knowing that they weren’t chosen because they’re Correct word choice
and corporate
women
and essentially known as week.
Gender equality
would come in handy when it comes to the sports world because then
when it comes to sponsorships and salaries, the women
would not have to worry about getting paid a significantly less amount compared to men.
When I think of justice
, I think of all the bad people
out there who have done horrible things
to women
and even men to get the punishment they deserve. All the people
who have been wrongfully accused of anything should get the justice
they deserve. People
like Uyinene and George Floyd get their justice
. Corruption would be gone. We would then
have a utopian society
in my eyes.
In conclusion, there is
a lot of Correct subject-verb agreement
are
things
that would give us the perfect society
. But the two that stick out to me, would be justice
and equality
. People
would have to work hard in order for these things
to actually happen. If they really would want
it Wrong verb form
wanted
then
we would be living in that beautiful perfect society
.Submitted by tshenkengm on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure with distinguishable paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Focus on establishing a clearer paragraph structure.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to link ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The introduction should provide a clearer overview of the essay's direction.
task achievement
Fully develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
Address the second part of the prompt more thoroughly - 'What can people do to achieve an ideal society?' - as it's only briefly mentioned in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and ensure proper sentence structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!