IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Crime rates will fall as advances in technology make it easier to detect and prevent crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? #cr

#crime #rates #fall #advances #technology #crimes #cr
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In future,
crime
 rates will decline
due to
inventions
Correct article usage
the inventions
show examples
 of modern
technology
 which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
make
Change the form of the verb
made
show examples
easy
Correct pronoun usage
it easy
show examples
 to detect and control
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
violence.
This
 essay completely agrees with the statement that upcoming generations will have
less
Fix the agreement mistake
a lower
show examples
crime
 ratio because of futuristic
technology
 which will help more in capturing criminals and preventing them for crimes.   In
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 world,
crime
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 on the trend but with advancement in
technology
 it has become easier to detect
crime
 because science is progressing and it
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 with great opportunities to push down the offender to offence .
As a
Correct word choice
A
show examples
 useful equipment of advance time that has
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
felonies is surveillance cameras .Nowadays,they are installed globally
this
 is because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 help to catch criminals on the spot or after the action
.to exaplain
Verb problem
.
show examples
whenever
Capitalize word
Whenever
show examples
offence
Correct article usage
an offence
show examples
 take place police look at the
cctv
Correct your spelling
CCTV
 footage .It
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to get
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 image of
Correct article usage
the offencer
show examples
offencer
Correct your spelling
offender
 and
also
 the place of
victim
Add an article
the victim
show examples
.
Thus
 it
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 in solving and declining the crimes .
Furthermore
,another advantage of
Advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
technology
 is to preventing felonies that's is metal detectors
for instance
 metal detectors are found at the entrance of
college
Fix the agreement mistake
colleges
show examples
,schools ,airports,mosques hospitals and other public places they are designed for the sole purpose
to detect
Change preposition
of detecting
show examples
 people's carrying weapons like gun ,knife and explosives.They stop them
to do
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
 major atrocity attacks.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
territorist
Correct your spelling
terrorists
 go to various place to blow down bomb in Pakistan in the strike of imran khan police catch a person with
bomb
Add an article
a bomb
the bomb
show examples
 at first step they stop him at the door and
hence
this
 help them for major
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
. In conclusion ,
technology
 has always come with its
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 effect and with the growth of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 and digital equipment.I strongly believe that it will definitely help society to stop or decrease
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
show examples
 and help to prevent them .
Submitted by asrakazmi447 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay structure lacks clarity and proper paragraphing, which is crucial for the reader to follow your argument. An IELTS essay typically has an introduction, two or three body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be clearly separated from the others.
Coherence & Cohesion
Many sentences are unnecessarily complex or lack appropriate punctuation, making them difficult to understand. Be sure to use clear and concise sentences, appropriate linking words, and organize your ideas logically.
Task Achievement
The essay does not fully develop ideas with relevant examples. While there are mentions of technology such as surveillance cameras and metal detectors, examples should be expanded upon to clearly show how these technologies contribute to crime reduction. Consider adding statistics or studies that support your arguments.
Task Achievement
The response partially addresses the task, with a clear opinion stated. However, the arguments are not fully developed. The ideas presented need to be elaborated on with more examples and explanations to provide a thorough response to the question.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar, especially subject-verb agreement ('crime are' should be 'crime is'), tense consistency, and precision in vocabulary. Avoid overly convoluted sentences and ensure that your ideas are expressed clearly and accurately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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