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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, teenagers are suffering from a lot of pressure. Write an essay of about 250 words to list the cause of teen pressure and give solutions to overcome.

#teenagers #pressure #list
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It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fact that in
this
 day and
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 teenagers are under a lot of
pressure
.
This
 essay will analyze the cause of
this
 and viable measures to tackle
this
 issue. On the one hand, there are several causes of suffering from
pressure
 in teenagers. First and foremost, they might be under
pressure
 from their parents.
This
 is because of the fact that every parent wants their
children
 to be successful, so they give their
children
 high expectations without
consider
Wrong verb form
considering
show examples
 their
children
 certain abilities.
Therefore
, when their
children
 get them down, they feel frustrated and even hurt their
children
 by using sensitive words or comparing their
children
 with their peer friends who have better achievements. Another compelling cause is that they feel
pressure
 from their peer friends. To illustrate, when
look
Change the verb form
looking
show examples
 at successful people around them, they
properly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
feel
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
 and even think that they are not talented or hard-working enough. There are a number of viable solutions to tackle
this
 problem.
To begin
 with, parents should help their
children
 find things that they are good at, and give them expectations and goals which are suitable for them.
This
 can make their
children
 more confident;
moreover
, parents will not feel frustrated or disappointed when seeing their
children
’s achievements.
Furthermore
, teenagers must focus on their goals and usually look back
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 efforts that they made.
Therefore
, they will feel
motivational
Replace the word
motivated
show examples
 and appreciate their efforts and achievements. In conclusion, there are main contributions to the issue and several measures are suggested to put an end to the situation.
Submitted by tranthitotam05111983 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should set the stage for the discussion, body paragraphs should each focus on a single main idea, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the essay without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Ideas should be organized logically, with clear connections and transitions between them. It's important to use cohesive devices, but they need to be varied and fit naturally within the context of the writing.
coherence cohesion
Main points made in the essay should be well-developed and supported with specific examples or explanations. The use of generalized statements should be minimized in favor of clear, specific arguments.
task achievement
A full response to the task would address all parts of the prompts completely, ensuring that any questions asked are fully answered and the main topic is thoroughly explored.
task achievement
Avoid repeating points or ideas and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument or presentation of the topic. Each idea should add new information or a new perspective.
task achievement
Include clear, specific, and relevant examples to support arguments. Examples should be well-integrated into the essay and should clearly relate to the points being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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