Many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. While some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Many

children

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nowadays spend most of their

time

Use synonyms

using new

automation

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of reading books. Some people believe that

this

Linking Words

is a good habit,

while

Linking Words

others think it has dire consequences. In my opinion, I consider that using modern

technology

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is good for

children

Use synonyms

According to

Linking Words

some, spending

time

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automation

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is a positive trend for

children

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, and I agree. The first reason is that spending

time

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on modern machinery can help

children

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in their studies.

In other words

Linking Words

, there are many kinds of

technology

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which are helpful for students,

for example

Linking Words

, using the internet academically can develop the offspring's academic level.

Hence

Linking Words

, it is better

Change preposition

for

show examples

offspring to exploit the benefits of modern

automation

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. Another reason is that modern machinery is a kind of entertainment for

children

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. To illustrate, offspring are at an age when they want to enjoy. So, it is a kind of humanity to make them happy. Other people believe that letting

children

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spend most of their

time

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automation

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is a problem because of some reason.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the internet has many unsuitable things for offspring.

For instance

Linking Words

, there are a lot of videos which show violence and which can affect

children

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Therefore

Linking Words

, spending

long

Change the article

a long

show examples

time

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on the internet would influence offspring negatively.

Secondly

Linking Words

, spending too much

time

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on new machinery would be a bad habit for

children

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. To put it simply, offspring would become addicted to

automation

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which would be difficult to avoid .

Thus

Linking Words

, it would lead to dire consequences.

To sum up

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, I believe that

children

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have the right to use new

technology

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which is helpful for them. Modern

technology

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nowadays is an important part of everything in the world.

asomm5563Sun Dec 03 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure by first introducing the topic, then discussing each side of the argument in separate paragraphs, and concluding with your opinion. You attempted this, but the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to create a clearer sense of progression and cohesion.

Coherence & Cohesion

Remember to present a clear introduction that outlines both views and states your opinion, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the points discussed and reiterates your stance. Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more developed and clear to effectively frame your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

You have supported the main points of your essay, but the support provided is somewhat basic and lacking in depth. Try to incorporate more detailed explanations and richer examples to substantiate your arguments.

Task Achievement

Your essay partially addresses the prompt by presenting a response to the task and covering both sides of the issue. To improve, ensure that you explore each view thoroughly and equitably, providing a balanced discussion before stating your own opinion.

Task Achievement

The ideas presented need to be clearer and more comprehensive. Focus on expanding each point with thorough explanations and more nuanced arguments. This will improve the reader's understanding and the overall effectiveness of your essay.

Task Achievement

Your use of examples to support your ideas is quite limited and not effectively tailored to the points being made. Including more specific, relevant examples will enhance the strength of your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

interactivity
multimedia resources
educational apps
global connectivity
imagination
critical thinking
attention span
concentration
vocabulary depth
literary knowledge
cultural awareness
digital literacy
conventional reading

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Many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. While some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You are working overseas in an international company. You are leaving the country in an emergency. Write a letter to your friend. Apologies for leaving like this. Explain what happened. Tell them what you are going to miss about working.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employee rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world there are constant traffic jams. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars?

"Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities, such as helping at home or work. Others argue that children should be free to enjoy their lives outside of school.