Many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. While some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Many
children
nowadays spend most of their time
using new automation
instead
of reading books. Some people believe that this
is a good habit, while
others think it has dire consequences. In my opinion, I consider that using modern technology
is good for children
.
According to
some, spending time
on automation
is a positive trend for children
, and I agree. The first reason is that spending time
on modern machinery can help children
in their studies. In other words
, there are many kinds of technology
which are helpful for students, for example
, using the internet academically can develop the offspring's academic level. Hence
, it is better to
offspring to exploit the benefits of modern Change preposition
for
automation
. Another reason is that modern machinery is a kind of entertainment for children
. To illustrate, offspring are at an age when they want to enjoy. So, it is a kind of humanity to make them happy.
Other people believe that letting children
spend most of their time
on automation
is a problem because of some reason. Firstly
, the internet has many unsuitable things for offspring. For instance
, there are a lot of videos which show violence and which can affect children
. Therefore
, spending long
Change the article
a long
time
on the internet would influence offspring negatively. Secondly
, spending too much time
on new machinery would be a bad habit for children
. To put it simply, offspring would become addicted to automation
which would be difficult to avoid . Thus
, it would lead to dire consequences.
To sum up
, I believe that children
have the right to use new technology
which is helpful for them. Modern technology
nowadays is an important part of everything in the world.Submitted by asomm5563 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure by first introducing the topic, then discussing each side of the argument in separate paragraphs, and concluding with your opinion. You attempted this, but the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to create a clearer sense of progression and cohesion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to present a clear introduction that outlines both views and states your opinion, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the points discussed and reiterates your stance. Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more developed and clear to effectively frame your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have supported the main points of your essay, but the support provided is somewhat basic and lacking in depth. Try to incorporate more detailed explanations and richer examples to substantiate your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt by presenting a response to the task and covering both sides of the issue. To improve, ensure that you explore each view thoroughly and equitably, providing a balanced discussion before stating your own opinion.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented need to be clearer and more comprehensive. Focus on expanding each point with thorough explanations and more nuanced arguments. This will improve the reader's understanding and the overall effectiveness of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples to support your ideas is quite limited and not effectively tailored to the points being made. Including more specific, relevant examples will enhance the strength of your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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