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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to shop for food in supermarkets. Other people prefer to do their food shopping online. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

#people #shop #food #supermarkets
These days, technology has taken over our lives and its traces have become more obvious
aftet
Correct your spelling
after
 the invention of online
shops
. Some
people
 are more interested in purchasing food in supermarkets.
However
, others are more keen on buying food in online
shops
.
This
 essay will discuss both views and provide my personal opinion. On the one hand, it is argued that
people
 have to go to markets
for purchasing
Change preposition
to purchase
show examples
 food.
To begin
 with,
this
 is supported by the fact that
people
 can check the quality of
prudocts
Correct your spelling
products
 and they can pick up their favourite quality and size among the significant numbers of crops.
For instance
, some
people
 prefer huge onions to small onions
due to
 the fact that they are of the opinion that these are more affordable.
In addition
, going to
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
 is
considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
teraphy
Correct your spelling
therapy
 for many
people
 because they are exposed to
lively
Correct article usage
a lively
show examples
atmospher
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 and it can help us to boost our mental health.
Therefore
, it
somehow
Add a missing verb
is somehow
show examples
 plausible that
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
people
 go to
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
 to provide
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, the need to consider the
convinence
Correct your spelling
convenience
 is
also
 felt.
Firstly
, using online
shops
 is not only user-friendly, but
also
convinent
Correct your spelling
convenient
.
In other words
, you can save large chunks of their time and you do not fall back
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 that you have to do.
Moreover
, you can easily compare the
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 of
foods
 among many online
shops
 that exist and choose the lowest one.
Such
 as, there are several online
shops
 in my district that offer
tomato
Fix the agreement mistake
tomatoes
show examples
 and I easily find the best one in terms of cost.
As a result
, it can be certainly said that buying
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 in online
shops
 has numerous benefits. All things
considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
,
although
, it is sometimes logical to say that going to markets is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 idea, I do believe that
due to
 some factors that I have just mentioned above,
such
 as
more
Add a missing verb
being more
show examples
 user-friendly and
compareable
Correct your spelling
comparable
compatible
. It is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 option to use online
shops
 to buy
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
.
Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear overall progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences effectively to guide the reader.
task achievement
Address all parts of the prompt, present a clear position throughout the response, and provide a conclusion that summarises your main points and opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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