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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

#people #reason #effects #individuals
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
people
Use synonyms
’s reduction in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sleep patterns. Every year
people
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 sleep less and
this
Linking Words
 leads to huge consequences. I want to reflect on the reason for these changes and what results
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will lead to. One of the main causes of the disruption of sleep
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
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 is an increased workload.
People
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 prioritize work and mental health takes a back seat. Longer working hours and demanding jobs
leaves
Correct subject-verb agreement
leave
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 less time for sleep. There are many cases where
people
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 have been hospitalized
due to
Linking Words
 lack of sleep and overwork. The second reason that might be noted, in my view, is technology overuse. The development of technology leads to the dependence on social networks.
People
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 choose scrolling the Internet over rest. Excessive screen time, especially before bed, disrupts the sleep pattern. The first cause mentioned above has led to reduced productivity. Trying to succeed at work,
people
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on the contrary
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 become unproductive. Brain functionality decreases and
people
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 cannot concentrate on
the
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apply
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routine things. Fatigue lowers focus, efficiency, and
overall
Linking Words
 performance. Another problem that follows is emotional instability. Lack of sleep affects not only the person’s energy but
also
Linking Words
 their psychological state. Sleep deprivation leads to
the
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apply
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mood swings and irritability.
This
Linking Words
 is how
people
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 become more aggressive and depressed. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to
conclusion
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the conclusion
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 that the lack of sleep can have a
negatively
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negative
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 impact on the quality of our lives. Prolonged fatigue can lead to the deterioration in the health of most and we must be prepared for the consequences of that.
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coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clear, consider making your key arguments more distinct by clearly separating them into paragraphs, each starting with a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
To strengthen your task response, try to include more specific examples or statistics related to sleep deprivation effects.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded exploration of both reasons for reduced sleep and its effects.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay and guide the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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