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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for two companies next year in Turkey. The pie chart shows the projected market share of the two companies in jeans at the end of next year.

The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for two companies next year in Turkey. The pie chart shows the projected market share of the two companies in jeans at the end of next year.
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The column graph gives a projection
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the next year’s
jeans
Use synonyms
 sales of two companies in Turkey
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart compares their estimated
market
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share
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
jeans
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 sales are estimated to increase
at
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in
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 the
last
Linking Words
quarter
Use synonyms
next
Change preposition
of next
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 year and
Jack
Correct article usage
the Jack
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 &
Jones
Use synonyms
 brand is anticipated to have half of the
market
Use synonyms
share
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the first graph,
Jack
Correct article usage
the Jack
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 &
Jones
Use synonyms
jeans
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 clothing
sale
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 will be roughly 450
thousand
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 pairs in Turkey, which is almost three times higher than that of
Use synonyms
Mango
Correct article usage
the Mango
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 brand. At
end
Correct article usage
the end
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 of the first
quarter
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, Jack &
Jones
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 is estimated to sell 300
thousand
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 pairs of
jeans
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 in Turkey
while
Linking Words
 it would be just above 150
thousand
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 for
Mango
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. In July and August, the demand for
Mango
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jeans
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 is estimated to exceed the demand of Jack &
Jones
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.
However
Linking Words
, Jack &
Jones
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 is likely to witness a hike in its
jeans
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Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 during the
last
Linking Words
quarter
Use synonyms
 of the year and in December it will sell 900,000 pairs, double
than
Change preposition
apply
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its
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sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 in January. During the
last
Linking Words
quarter
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,
Mango
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 jean’s
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sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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would remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 almost the same except
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
surge in December to 600
thousand
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 sales. It is predicted that Jack &
Jones
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 alone will control
the
Correct article usage
apply
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half of the
market
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share
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Mango
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corporation
Capitalize word
Corporation
show examples
 will have
30
Correct article usage
a 30
show examples
%
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
. The remaining 20% would be controlled by the other
jeans
Use synonyms
 manufacturers.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words jeans, market, share, quarter, jones, sale, thousand, mango with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • estimated sales
  • projected market share
  • dominant player
  • competition
  • consumer choice
  • pricing strategies
  • market trends
  • marketing campaigns
  • economic conditions
  • fashion trends
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