IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for two companies next year in Turkey. The pie chart shows the projected market share of the two companies in jeans at the end of next year.

The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for two companies next year in Turkey. The pie chart shows the projected market share of the two companies in jeans at the end of next year.
#bar #sales #jeans #two #companies #year #turkey #market
The column graph gives a projection
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the next year’s
jeans
 sales of two companies in Turkey
while
 the pie chart compares their estimated
market
share
.
Overall
,
jeans
 sales are estimated to increase
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
last
quarter
next
Change preposition
of next
show examples
 year and
Jack
Correct article usage
the Jack
show examples
 &
Jones
 brand is anticipated to have half of the
market
share
.
According to
 the first graph,
Jack
Correct article usage
the Jack
show examples
 &
Jones
jeans
 clothing
sale
 will be roughly 450
thousand
 pairs in Turkey, which is almost three times higher than that of
Mango
Correct article usage
the Mango
show examples
 brand. At
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of the first
quarter
, Jack &
Jones
 is estimated to sell 300
thousand
 pairs of
jeans
 in Turkey
while
 it would be just above 150
thousand
 for
Mango
. In July and August, the demand for
Mango
jeans
 is estimated to exceed the demand of Jack &
Jones
.
However
, Jack &
Jones
 is likely to witness a hike in its
jeans
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 during the
last
quarter
 of the year and in December it will sell 900,000 pairs, double
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 in January. During the
last
quarter
,
Mango
 jean’s
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
would remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 almost the same except
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
surge in December to 600
thousand
 sales. It is predicted that Jack &
Jones
 alone will control
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the
market
share
while
Mango
corporation
Capitalize word
Corporation
show examples
 will have
30
Correct article usage
a 30
show examples
%
market
share
. The remaining 20% would be controlled by the other
jeans
 manufacturers.
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words jeans, market, share, quarter, jones, sale, thousand, mango with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: