Out of a country health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures To what extent do you agree or dis agree with this statement?

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In
this
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era that we have been living in, health and
healthily
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healthy
show examples
lifestyle have concentered one of the most paramount and momentous concerning topics. Governments have been dedicating enormous
budge
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budgets
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for remedying patients and
whom
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apply
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massive
expenditure
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expenditures
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put a tremendous strain on
society administrations
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society's administration's
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shoulder. Logically behind my mind is that, a particular proportion of
this
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funding must have been advocated for preventing
of
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apply
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chronic
illness
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. In
this
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essay, I will clarify my ideas and demonstrate
it
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them
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. To embark on, in according with
commonsense
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the commonsense
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approach, vividly curbing
of
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apply
show examples
every deleterious and detrimental phenomenon is more affordable than
care
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caring about
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the thornier implications. To illustrate
this
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assertion it is more practical we conserve a building from deterioration than refurbish and renovate a wrecked building.
Consequently
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preventing
of
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apply
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contagious abnormalities is more privileged for society articles and supervisions. To put it in another way,
while
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a person had been engaged with a gloom and doom of
illness
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,even after treatment ,on no occasion cannot possess the abilities and
psychologically
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psychological
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condition have had before
this
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incidence
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incident
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.
This
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person
have
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has
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been
affluence
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influenced
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mentally and physically by
this
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irregularity. You can take the comparatively contemporary pandemic covide 19 as an evident and concert instant that has had
incredible
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an incredible
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effect on our
mentally
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mental
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and respiratory systems and even
some body's
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somebody's
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fondest person passed away.
This
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effect unfortunately accompanied
with
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apply
show examples
us until death.in conclusion,
take
Verb problem
apply
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a
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apply
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definite and impractical deterrent measures for
outbreak
Add an article
the outbreak
an outbreak
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of
this
Linking Words
infectious
illness
Use synonyms
can be more constructive. All aforementioned
stand points
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standpoints
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drive me to a tangible inference that specific
budge
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budget
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preventing
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prevention
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can plunge the
illness
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rate.
to
Capitalize word
To
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my ways of thinking , domain
healthily
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healthy
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lifestyle can diminish exhaustible pressure on
health
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the health
show examples
system and they can dedicate their attention
on
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to
show examples
emergency
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
.
Submitted by nimalizadeh.ir on

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logical structure
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas not flowing smoothly from one paragraph to the next. Aim for a more organized approach by clearly outlining your main points and using cohesive devices to link ideas.
introduction conclusion present
An introduction and a conclusion are present, but they are not adequately developed. Ensure that your introduction sets a clear stance on the topic, and your conclusion effectively summarizes key points without introducing new information.
supported main points
While some main points are supported, several assertions lack concrete evidence. Expand on your ideas with clear examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
complete response
You address the task by presenting a relevant position, but the response is only somewhat complete. Strengthen your response by fully developing your argument and ensuring all parts of the task are sufficiently covered.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are relevant but not clearly presented or comprehensive. Clarify your thoughts and make sure they are easy to follow. Use paragraphs to structure your argument effectively.
relevant specific examples
Your examples, such as the reference to COVID-19, are relevant but need to be more specific and fully elaborated upon for a stronger argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventative measures
  • chronic diseases
  • health disparities
  • informed choices
  • health education
  • fiscal responsibility
  • ethical considerations
  • public health policy
  • long-term sustainability
  • healthcare system
  • risk factors
  • at-risk populations
  • early intervention
  • cost-effective
  • health promotion
  • lifestyle-related illnesses
  • socioeconomic factors
  • accessible healthcare
  • balanced approach
  • preventive healthcare
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