Public health is becoming an urgent issue nowadays. Some argue that government should create nutrition and food choice laws to improve public health, while others believe that it is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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I am Arun Bikram Thapa, Assistant Professor of Aerospace Engineering at Tribhuvan University, Institute of Engineering, Pulchowk Campus. I am writing to recommend my brilliant student,
Sandesh
Parajuli, as a highly deserving candidate for your research-based graduate program in Aerospace Engineering. First of all, I have not had the privilege of teaching
Sandesh
in an academic course, so I will not elaborate much on his academics. In fact, his glorious achievement of being the
overall
University topper in Engineering, the most competitive academic setting of our country, itself speaks volumes about his scholarship and commitment to learning. On top of that, coming from the remote Athrai Rural Municipality in Terhathum district, with a humble academic background, makes his achievement even more special as it demonstrates not only his perseverance in securing a place for himself, which many are privileged to receive as granted
,
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but
also
his potential to succeed if placed in a right environment. Well, my interaction with
Sandesh
has mainly been outside the classroom, primarily in a research setting. I had the pleasure of supervising his final year thesis project on the ‘Development of an Unmanned Aerial System for Radio Frequency Source Localization’, which is the first project undertaken in Nepal on UAS-based localization. Despite the inherent challenges like lack of expertise, resource constraints, limited literature and methodological uncertainty,
Sandesh
, with his exceptional understanding of fundamental ideas and unflagging devotion to study and work, almost single-handedly accomplished most parts of the project— from its conceptualization, extensive literature review, methodology formulation, receiver and transmitter fabrication, system integration and coding to flight test planning and setup, computer simulation, data analysis, filter design and application, and uncertainty considerations—commendably within a few months. Clearly, he had set a new standard for UAS-based localization research at our institute. Currently, I am supervising four senior students who are building up on the work that
Sandesh
and his team had laid the foundation
to
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.
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task achievement
The essay does not address the given topic and does not follow a conventional essay structure. There is no introduction or conclusion related to the topic, and the main points are not developed in alignment with the task. The content revolves around a recommendation letter rather than discussing the provided topic of public health, nutrition and food choice laws versus personal choice and responsibility.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and logical structure of the essay are weak with respect to the given topic. The text reads as a recommendation letter rather than an IELTS essay. It lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that align with the topic of public health. Paragraphs and ideas are not logically ordered to discuss the two sides of the argument and provide a personal opinion on the matter, as required by the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • nutritional laws
  • food choice
  • personal responsibility
  • government intervention
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • freedom of choice
  • over-reliance
  • nanny state
  • healthy lifestyle
  • infringing on personal freedoms
  • balanced approach
  • empower individuals
  • subsidies
  • public health campaigns
  • nutritious meals
  • regulation
  • accountability
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