Being a celebrity- such as a famous film star or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

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The assumption of being a famous
celebrity
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always increased
people
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’s interest.
This
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may be because they could take advantage of it, including a better live-stander level
as well as
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some valuable opportunities.
However
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, other
people
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may have opposite opinions.
This
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essay aims to support the idea that becoming a
celebrity
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would have more benefits than disadvantages.
Initially
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, becoming a superstar would result in less financial concern.
For example
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, the NBA is the highest-level basketball legend in the world. The lowest annual salary for a normal-level NBA player is around 2.4 million USD, which is an unimaginable number for a middle-class family,
not to mention
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those
people
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who struggle with the poverty line.
As a result
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, if a person could become a sports talent and earn a contrast as a national representative-level athlete, they would at least not have to worry about whether they could afford the groceries.
In other words
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, they could concentrate on their careers and pursue their own profiles with less stress.
Secondly
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, being a
celebrity
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would provide some unique opportunity, which is valuable for an individual to improve their own skills. It is imaginable that the challenges faced by a file star or professional athlete would be different for an employee who obtains the same routine every day. Those challenges may lead to exhaustion both physically and mentally.
For instance
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, a professional athlete has to manage their diet
while
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accepting the hardest training.
However
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, once the individual learns how to address those stresses, he or she will become more skilled in their own field.
Therefore
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, they could
archive
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achieve
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their target more easily. In conclusion, becoming a
celebrity
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would not only reduce
people
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's financial stress but
also
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provide unique opportunities to improve themselves.
As a result
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,
this
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essay agrees with the idea that
people
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could gain more advantages by being celebrities.
Submitted by heimli6 on

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task achievement
To achieve higher marks in task achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the prompt. Your essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion of both benefits and problems of being a celebrity to reflect the comparative nature of the question.
coherence cohesion
While your essay exhibits logical structure, introduction, and conclusion, try to establish a clearer position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of connectives and topic-specific vocabulary to enhance the flow of ideas and exhibit higher language proficiency.
task achievement
Include more detailed and varied examples to illustrate your points. Specific anecdotes or statistics could strengthen the effectiveness of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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