IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

#people #zoos #animals
Many
people
 argue that it is crucial for
zoos
 to be shut down
due to
 their cruelty,
while
 others believe that
zoos
 play a vital role in protecting
animals
. Personally, I suppose that
zoos
 should be maintained, though they have a few negative impacts on
animals
.
Firstly
, there are some reasons for
people
 to think that
zoos
 should be closed down, including the exertion of negative
animal’s
Change noun form
animal
show examples
 physical health impacts.
According to
 some research, the life expectancy of some captive wildlife is reduced by half compared to that in natural
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
show examples
.
Also
, it is a matter of fact that many caged
animals
 have a lower birth rate and are more likely to contract a disease than when they are in nature.
Moreover
,
animals
 in
zoos
 may be abused to earn money.
For example
, some
zoos
 are constructed for trade purposes, not as a wildlife reserve, so some tourists’ activities may be harmful to
animals
, which include feeding, riding for entertainment, etc.
However
,
zoos
 provide a great, suitable, and safe environment for endangered species. It is a fact that some types of species are on the brink of extinction
due to
 wildlife poaching and trafficking, climate change, and human activities. Many of them are killed
as a result
 of drought or deforestation,
for instance
.
Second,
zoos
also
 educate
people
 to respect wild
animals
 and promote ideas of animal conservation.
For example
, when individuals enter
zoos
, they can get access to some information about
animals
’
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, habitat, and importance in ecology, which raises
people
’s awareness of how important the existence of
animals
 is to human society and encourages
people
 to protect
animals
 and act against animal extinction. In a nutshell,
although
animals
 living in captivity may be harmful for some reasons, I still approve that
zoos
 should not be closed because they contribute excessively to the long-term survival of many
animals
.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by consistently using paragraphs that individually focus on one main idea and use appropriate linking words to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion should be clear and distinct, presenting the topic, your position, and summarizing the main points.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with detailed and relevant examples. Avoid general statements and make sure each point is substantiated with clear explanations.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. This includes discussing both views presented in the prompt and giving your opinion clearly.
task achievement
Ideas should be expressed clearly and developed thoroughly. Use a range of vocabulary to articulate your thoughts precisely, and avoid repeating the same words excessively.
task achievement
Provide relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. Make sure the examples are directly related to the point you're making and effectively illustrate your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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