IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

#people #zoos #animals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it is crucial for
zoos
Use synonyms
 to be shut down
due to
Linking Words
 their cruelty,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in protecting
animals
Use synonyms
. Personally, I suppose that
zoos
Use synonyms
 should be maintained, though they have a few negative impacts on
animals
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are some reasons for
people
Use synonyms
 to think that
zoos
Use synonyms
 should be closed down, including the exertion of negative
animal’s
Change noun form
animal
show examples
 physical health impacts.
According to
Linking Words
 some research, the life expectancy of some captive wildlife is reduced by half compared to that in natural
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, it is a matter of fact that many caged
animals
Use synonyms
 have a lower birth rate and are more likely to contract a disease than when they are in nature.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
 may be abused to earn money.
For example
Linking Words
, some
zoos
Use synonyms
 are constructed for trade purposes, not as a wildlife reserve, so some tourists’ activities may be harmful to
animals
Use synonyms
, which include feeding, riding for entertainment, etc.
However
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 provide a great, suitable, and safe environment for endangered species. It is a fact that some types of species are on the brink of extinction
due to
Linking Words
 wildlife poaching and trafficking, climate change, and human activities. Many of them are killed
as a result
Linking Words
 of drought or deforestation,
for instance
Linking Words
.
Second,
Linking Words
zoos
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 educate
people
Use synonyms
 to respect wild
animals
Use synonyms
 and promote ideas of animal conservation.
For example
Linking Words
, when individuals enter
zoos
Use synonyms
, they can get access to some information about
animals
Use synonyms
’
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, habitat, and importance in ecology, which raises
people
Use synonyms
’s awareness of how important the existence of
animals
Use synonyms
 is to human society and encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to protect
animals
Use synonyms
 and act against animal extinction. In a nutshell,
although
Linking Words
animals
Use synonyms
 living in captivity may be harmful for some reasons, I still approve that
zoos
Use synonyms
 should not be closed because they contribute excessively to the long-term survival of many
animals
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by duongntt.tld on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by consistently using paragraphs that individually focus on one main idea and use appropriate linking words to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion should be clear and distinct, presenting the topic, your position, and summarizing the main points.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with detailed and relevant examples. Avoid general statements and make sure each point is substantiated with clear explanations.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. This includes discussing both views presented in the prompt and giving your opinion clearly.
task achievement
Ideas should be expressed clearly and developed thoroughly. Use a range of vocabulary to articulate your thoughts precisely, and avoid repeating the same words excessively.
task achievement
Provide relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. Make sure the examples are directly related to the point you're making and effectively illustrate your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: