Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There are some nations where military
service
is compulsory for teenagers just after they finish high school, either men or women. I disagree with Use synonyms
this
policy because some Linking Words
people
are not prepared to do Use synonyms
this
kind of training and some of them do not have the required skills.
Linking Words
To begin
, the main problem is the fact of forcing anyone around 18 years old to Linking Words
attend
the Armed Forces. Some Verb problem
join
people
perhaps do not like Use synonyms
this
type of Linking Words
service
or sometimes do have not the proper physical abilities. Use synonyms
As a result
, these Linking Words
people
will become bad soldiers and others cannot be selected.
Use synonyms
For example
, in Brazil, when a boy complete 18 years old, he has to apply for compulsory military Linking Words
service
. The majors are dismissed, by chance, Use synonyms
due to
the limitation of vacations. So, some Linking Words
people
more prepared to do Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
service
cannot attend, Use synonyms
whereas
others not prepared can be chosen. Linking Words
Moreover
, Linking Words
this
period of working for the Armed Forces can difficult for Linking Words
further
studies to enrol on a university. Considering that the usual time for Linking Words
this
compulsory job is around 1 year, Linking Words
people
have to wait Use synonyms
this
time to apply for tertiary education. Linking Words
As a consequence
, these young men will be late to attend university and work in the future.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, there are some benefits to adopting Linking Words
this
system, especially in developing countries where there are few options for Linking Words
further
education. So, the military Linking Words
service
can be an opportunity for poor Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
to begin
a career. Linking Words
Additionally
, military Linking Words
service
is a good way to make new friends and learn some values Use synonyms
such
as honour, discipline, and responsibility.
Linking Words
To conclude
, I believe that Linking Words
this
sort of Linking Words
service
should be optional. Only men or women that like Use synonyms
this
area should do it. In Linking Words
this
way, the results for the country will be better and Linking Words
people
will attend more happily.Use synonyms
Submitted by fmulato on
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Task Achievement
Consider the perspective of supporting your main points with more varied and specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive understanding of your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay. While your essay is structured logically, additional cohesive devices could improve the overall coherence.
Task Achievement
Try to explore both sides of the argument with equal depth. Although you've provided some benefits of military service, a more balanced exploration could enrich your essay's persuasive element.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly present your position, effectively framing your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your arguments are well-structured, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
Task Achievement
The use of a real-life example (Brazil) provides a tangible context to your argument, enhancing the reader's engagement.