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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that scientific work on plants and food is good. Others think it is dangerous. Discuss both views.

#people #work #plants #food
Technological advancements have a profound impact on all aspects of life, and
food
 and
crops
 are no exception.
While
 a few individuals reckon that using science to enhance
food
 is beneficial, others claim
that is
 hazardous.
This
 essay will elucidate both the contradictory views in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with some
people
 believe that scientific alterations on vegetation are useful because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can help to
ascend
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 their productivity and
increase
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutritional value. To elaborate, if farmers make use of modern technology in farming , sawing and cultivating
crops
 , they can reap numerous benefits
such
 as more production of
crops
 per hectare and much higher
dose
Fix the agreement mistake
doses
show examples
 of minerals, vitamins and other necessary elements To cite an example, genetically modified
food
such
 as Golden Rice is fortified with extra nutrition which is not only used to feed the global population of eight billion
people
 but is
also
 fed to masses stuck in places hit by natural calamity like drought , flood and earthquake.
Thus
, the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 example clearly resonates
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the positive view of
people
 towards
use
Add an article
the use
show examples
 of science. On the flip side, many
people
 oppose the practice of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern advancements
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
food
 we consume as they are afraid of its consequences.
In other words
, the devastating/catastrophic effects of ingesting modified
crops
 can be seen in patients suffering from deadly diseases like cancer, renal disorders and cardiac ailments. Many experts
also
 link modern
food
 with
Alzheimer
Change noun form
Alzheimer's
show examples
 and other mental disorders.
For instance
, regular consumption of genetically altered
food
 has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to an upsurge in the number of cancer patients and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cases of cardiac arrests.
Hence
, the aforementioned example vividly substantiates why lots of adults are not in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favor of
such
 modifications. To recapitulate, science has allowed human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 to change any aspect of life with minimum
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
,
food
 being one of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Although
 a stratum of society consider tempering with edible commodities beneficial as it can prove to be a boon in
unforeseen
Add an article
an unforeseen
show examples
 situation, those linked with healthcare are against using them and consider it as a source of many deadly diseases.
Submitted by Gursharan910 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and paragraphs should flow smoothly from one to the next with appropriate use of linking words.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clear and concise introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the key points of your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop the main points with specific examples or explanations that are fully elaborated and directly relevant to the topic at hand.
task achievement
Make sure to completely address all parts of the task, giving balanced treatment to both sides of the issue, and adding a personal conclusion that wraps up your views.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on your ideas to ensure they are fully developed and clearly communicated throughout the essay, avoiding overgeneralization or vagueness.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and directly related examples to support your arguments, ensuring these are fully explained and linked back to the main idea of the paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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