Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

These days, shopping has become more prevalent among teenagers in many countries.
This
is
due to
the fact that we are living in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
world of consumerism and a
throw away
Join the words
throwaway
throw-away
show examples
culture. In my opinion, I believe that it has more advantages than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages, which I will discuss in
this
essay with relevant examples.
To begin
with, teenagers are pressured by their peers to stay updated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological developments
such
as gadgets, mobile phones, and trendy clothes.
That is
to say that, they often have a tendency to live beyond their means and
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
to keep up with the lifestyle of their peers or societal expectations.
Furthermore
, consumerist culture offers affordability and easy access to all the things they need which makes shopping the best form of leisure
acitvity
Correct your spelling
activity
among the young ones. The major
Correct your spelling
advantage
adavantage
Correct your spelling
advantage
of
such
cultural behavior
Submitted by jeeanay on

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structure
You should ensure that your essay contains a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The current essay lacks a developed conclusion, which is necessary for a complete response.
logic
Work on logically organizing your information and ideas. The present structure of the essay shows a basic framework but lacks depth and full development of ideas.
support
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. While the essay mentioned advantages and disadvantages, it did not provide specific, relevant examples to support the claims made.
task response
Be careful of underdeveloped responses. An incomplete essay may lead to a lower score in the Task Achievement criterion of the rubric. Make sure to fully address both aspects of the task and provide a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
For higher scores in Coherence and Cohesion, strive for a clear progression of ideas and ensure that paragraphing is sensible and helps with the overall clarity of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • consumer culture
  • material possession
  • social experience
  • disposable income
  • tech-savvy
  • convenience
  • fashion trends
  • overconsumption
  • economic stimulation
  • retail industry
  • materialism
  • debt
  • consumer spending
  • browsing
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