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Band 4

University students are increasingly studying abroad as part of their studies Do the advantages of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages? Write at least 250 words

#university #students #part #studies
Nowadays many university
students
 yearn to study
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overseas as part of their studies. Even though studying in other
countries
 leads to some drawbacks, I contemplate that it has more merits. In terms of the disadvantages, if
students
 are more willing to study abroad, they have to spend more money to do that.
This
 is because they have to pay more for tickets and rent in other
countries
 over the studying period.
Besides
,
students
 usually must deal with a culture shock in
countries
Correct article usage
the countries
show examples
 where they live.
For instance
,
students
 have to be adaptive
with
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to
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an unfamiliar meals
Correct the article-noun agreement
unfamiliar meals
an unfamiliar meal
show examples
 and weather,
whereas
this
 situation is extremely different from the
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in their own country.
As a result
, they might not have
focus
Change the verb form
focused
show examples
 enough on their studies because of
those distractive condition
Change the determiner
that distractive condition
those distractive conditions
show examples
.
However
, studying abroad has
also
 many advantages for
students
 related to education and occupation. With regards to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education, if
students
 take courses
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas, they can
broad
Replace the word
broaden
show examples
 their knowledge
as well as
the
Change the word
their
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with other
students
 who come from different
countries
.
For example
,
students
 can exchange their different
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
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 each other and
then
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a good time
for
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apply
show examples
discussing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with the lecturers. So,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 possibility
for
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of
show examples
 having
deep
Correct article usage
a deep
show examples
 understanding
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each subject is higher than before.
Then not
Rephrase
Not
show examples
 only will
this
 condition make the
students
 experience more knowledge, but
also
 it will lead the
students
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
vary
Replace the word
various
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
widely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
which is very good for having an incredible chance to build
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 career in the future. In conclusion, despite
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 increasing number of
students
 who want to study abroad
has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 some negative sides related to the
students
’ expenditure and culture shock, the positive sides in education
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exist strongly.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Task Achievement
The introduction should clearly paraphrase the question and provide an outline statement indicating the main points that will be discussed. The conclusion should restate the main advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad and clearly state the writer's opinion on whether one outweighs the other.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clear progression of ideas with appropriate paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and logical development of points. Cohesion can be achieved with the use of linking words, but avoid overuse.
Task Achievement
Support main points with specific examples and details. Provide more concrete examples, statistics, or citations to back up points. Avoid general statements that are not clearly connected to the main argument or idea.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the prompt, including both advantages and disadvantages, and give a clear opinion on whether one outweighs the other.
Language
Work on sentence structure and lexical resource to avoid awkward phrasing and improve clarity. Proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance overall language accuracy.
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