IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? It is a possible or negative development?

#countries #tourist #industries #case #development
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Nowadays,
tourist
industries
 are currently being expanded in many developing
countries
. The following paragraphs of
this
 essay will talk about the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 trend and
also
 give the reasons why it is a possible
development
.
Tourist
industries
 are beneficial for many developing
countries
. One of the main merits is that
tourist
industries
 play a significant part in economic
growth
 and
development
.
This
 can be explained that for developing
countries
 which do not have enough
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 to develop their IT
industries
 or others, but they have potential
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 beautiful scenery and nature, they can use
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 advantages to promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
growth
. I mean, nowadays
tourist
industries
 gradually becoming more and more developed;
hence
, those developing nations will attract a large number of tourists, especially foreigners which can support
that
Change the determiner
that country
those countries
show examples
countries
 to increase the rate of economic
growth
.
Furthermore
, I believe
this
development
 is a positive aspect
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
dwellers
Change noun form
dwellers'
dweller's
show examples
 living conditions because it helps many developing
countries
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improve their residents’ living standards,
property
Correct word choice
and property
show examples
.
This
 is because the government use the money which the tourists pay for accommodation, service, food, etc to build schools, hospitals, etc to enhance living standards. In conclusion, I would have to say that
tourist
industries
 play an important role in the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
economic
growth
 and I believe that the
development
 brings positive aspects to those developing
countries
.
Submitted by tranthitotam05111983 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a singular main idea and develops it thoroughly before moving on to a new point. Your essay introduced relevant points, but some were not fully elaborated, which affected the overall support of your main points.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with grammatical structures and strive for a range of complex sentence forms. This will improve the logical flow and the clarity of your ideas. Use linking words effectively to create cohesion within and across paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task. The essay prompt asks for reasons for the expansion of tourist industries and whether it is positive or negative. You have addressed both components, but make sure your conclusion clearly encapsulates these discussions by directly stating if the development is positive or negative.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas by providing specific examples that support your points. This not only strengthens your arguments but also shows your ability to relate abstract ideas to real-world scenarios. The inclusion of more developed examples would give your essay more depth and interest.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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