Some people feel tha manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging.Discuss bothe views and give your opinions.

There are discussions around whether
manufacturers
and stores or
customers
should be responsible for the problem of overpackaged products.
While
some may argue that only
factories
and
supermarkets
can change the amount of
package
used, I believe that
customers
should have greater responsibility as the high sales of overpackaged
goods
is the ultimate reason why
manufacturers
are producing them. Without a doubt,
factories
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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stores are the ones who
package
the
goods
. When they receive the base product, it is up to them to decide how much
package
should be used.
For example
, fruits and vegetables are transported to
supermarkets
in their rawest forms, and
then
they are packaged with excessive plastic wrappings and stickers. So, some may think that in order to reduce the amount of packaging of
goods
, only the ones who packaged it, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
factories
and stores, can solve the problem.
However
, it is my belief that the needs
from
Change preposition
of
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customers
are the ultimate reason for the large amount of overpackaged
goods
.
Manufacturers
need to pay extra expenses for more packaging, and they are willing to do so because overpackaged
goods
sell better.
For instance
,
survey
Add an article
a survey
the survey
show examples
has found
out
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apply
show examples
that when consumers are given the
choices
Fix the agreement mistake
choice
show examples
of products with minimal packaging or overpackaged
goods
, most of them will choose the latter one as it is fancier. If
customers
prefer
goods
with minimal packaging
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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,
factories
and
supermarkets
will naturally
package
their
goods
less as overpackaging will damage their sales. In conclusion,
although
manufacturers
and
supermarkets
are the ones who produce overpackaged
goods
, I believe that consumers are responsible for the problem as the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
excessive packaging
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the reason why producers are manufacturing it.
Submitted by jackcityone on

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coherence cohesion
The essay generally presents a clear argument with an introduction and conclusion that reflect the overall discussion and your opinion, hence the higher score for the presence of intro and conclusion. However, the logical structure could be enhanced by better connecting thoughts and ensuring paragraphs flow into one another more seamlessly. Transitions can aid in smoothing out the progression of ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided an opinion which is good, this supports a score of 7 for a complete response and clear ideas. However, your response can be improved by delving deeper into the discussion points and providing more varied, specific examples to back up your points. The examples you provided are a bit generic and could benefit from incorporating statistics, studies, or real-world cases that concretely illustrate your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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