Some people feel tha manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging.Discuss bothe views and give your opinions.

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There are discussions around whether
manufacturers
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and stores or
customers
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should be responsible for the problem of overpackaged products.
While
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some may argue that only
factories
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and
supermarkets
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can change the amount of
package
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used, I believe that
customers
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should have greater responsibility as the high sales of overpackaged
goods
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is the ultimate reason why
manufacturers
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are producing them. Without a doubt,
factories
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and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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stores are the ones who
package
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the
goods
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. When they receive the base product, it is up to them to decide how much
package
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should be used.
For example
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, fruits and vegetables are transported to
supermarkets
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in their rawest forms, and
then
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they are packaged with excessive plastic wrappings and stickers. So, some may think that in order to reduce the amount of packaging of
goods
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, only the ones who packaged it, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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factories
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and stores, can solve the problem.
However
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, it is my belief that the needs
from
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of
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customers
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are the ultimate reason for the large amount of overpackaged
goods
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.
Manufacturers
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need to pay extra expenses for more packaging, and they are willing to do so because overpackaged
goods
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sell better.
For instance
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,
survey
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a survey
the survey
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has found
out
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apply
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that when consumers are given the
choices
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choice
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of products with minimal packaging or overpackaged
goods
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, most of them will choose the latter one as it is fancier. If
customers
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prefer
goods
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with minimal packaging
more
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apply
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,
factories
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and
supermarkets
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will naturally
package
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their
goods
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less as overpackaging will damage their sales. In conclusion,
although
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manufacturers
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and
supermarkets
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are the ones who produce overpackaged
goods
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, I believe that consumers are responsible for the problem as the need
of
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for
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excessive packaging
from
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apply
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them
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apply
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is the reason why producers are manufacturing it.
Submitted by jackcityone on

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coherence cohesion
The essay generally presents a clear argument with an introduction and conclusion that reflect the overall discussion and your opinion, hence the higher score for the presence of intro and conclusion. However, the logical structure could be enhanced by better connecting thoughts and ensuring paragraphs flow into one another more seamlessly. Transitions can aid in smoothing out the progression of ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided an opinion which is good, this supports a score of 7 for a complete response and clear ideas. However, your response can be improved by delving deeper into the discussion points and providing more varied, specific examples to back up your points. The examples you provided are a bit generic and could benefit from incorporating statistics, studies, or real-world cases that concretely illustrate your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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