Some people say that schools should teach good behavior to children and introduce them to right and wrong. Parents should not only be the ones responsible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Children
have to learn how to behave properly. From how to speak properly to how to eat with good manners. But not every person is getting teached
Correct your spelling
taught
sach
things Correct your spelling
such
from
their Change preposition
by
Parents
. Some parents
have full time
jobs so they can’t teach their Add a hyphen
full-time
children
such
things. Or the parents
themselves have never really learned it. I am the appointment that it is not the teacher
's job to teach their children
such
things.
I agree that not every child has the opportunity to learn how to behave properly. Some parents
don’t have the time to look after their children
because they have to work. So it is easier for them to give their children
into
school and they can go to work with the thought that their child learns everything in school. But because they are all alone at home and can do what they want it is hard to teach them that.
But I disagree more because the Change preposition
to
parents
have to get a person that can teach them properly. That is
better than the teacher
in school who can’t even focus on each student in class. should be also
teaching them how to behave properly. Some children
are not even listening to what the teacher
says so how do
the Change the verb form
does
teacher
teach them that? Some children
respect just their parents
, which is not good but the truth.
To come to an end parents
are responsible for their children
and also
how to teach their children
how to behave properly. It could make the life of the parents
easier.Submitted by z.pfister on
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Introduction
The essay lacks a clear introduction with a thesis statement that indicates the writer's position. A well-defined introduction would provide a brief overview of the argument and clearly state whether the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement.
Development of Ideas
The arguments presented are not fully developed and lack sophistication. A higher band score requires the integration of complex ideas with detailed examples and explanations reflecting a deep engagement with the topic.
Topic Focus
The essay does not maintain a consistent focus on the topic and strays into irrelevant areas. Ensure each paragraph maintains a clear central theme that directly relates to the task.
Conclusion
The essay should end with a strong conclusion summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer's stance. The current conclusion is weak and does not effectively encapsulate the writer's position, which undermines the final impression.
Cohesive Devices
There is a lack of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. Utilize a range of linking words to improve the flow of the essay.
Paragraph Structure
Paragraph structure needs refinement, as each paragraph should contain a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that develop the main idea presented.
Language Use
There are several instances of inappropriate or inaccurate vocabulary usage and grammatical errors that hinder clarity. To improve the score, pay more attention to word choice and grammatical accuracy.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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