IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people thinkt hat resources should be spent on protecting wild animals, while others think those would be better used for the human population Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #thinkt #hat #resources #animals #population
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I believe that both animals and humans are important.
However
, these resources should be allocated carefully by considering the impact it has on our daily lives,
while
also
perserving
Correct your spelling
preserving
 the general well-being of the faunas. There are several key considerations we should factor in, which will be discussed in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 below. Our society faces numerous difficult obstacles which have yet to be solved to
this
 day.
For instance
, problems
such
 as hunger, limited access to clean water, poverty, illness, and much more,
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 extensive budget and attention from the government as these issues are affecting the daily lives of people.
Therefore
, using the budget to take care of wild animals
instead
 may seem insignificant.
However
, it's not only the lives of mankind that
matters
Correct subject-verb agreement
matter
show examples
, we should practice
compassionate
Replace the word
compassion
show examples
 with other beings as well. After all, we must not forget, that we too are part of the animal kingdom and it is within our duty to
perserve
Correct your spelling
preserve
 the natural beings that
born
Add a missing verb
are born
show examples
 on
this
 planet too. In conclusion,
while
 I do believe that major problems which people experience all over the world deserve more attention,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should not shadow the cause to
perserve
Correct your spelling
preserve
 and protect the endangered wild
lifes
Correct your spelling
life
lives
. Mankind would not be here, if not for other beings.
Submitted by anindya.khansalihara on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow between introduction, body, and conclusion. The essay sometimes seems disjointed, which affects the conveyance of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly defined. The initial position is not easily discernible, nor is the concluding statement strongly restated.
coherence cohesion
Develop and support your main points with specific details or examples. There is a lack of concrete examples backing up the stated points, which would make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. While you have discussed the importance of both animal conservation and human welfare, there is a need for greater balance and elaboration on each view to fully satisfy the prompt.
task achievement
Ideas regarding the significance and impact of the resource allocation need to be more comprehensive and fleshed out with clear rationale.
task achievement
Include relevant examples to support your viewpoints. The use of specific examples can effectively illustrate and strengthen your arguments, but they were notably lacking in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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