IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals consider being competitive to be beneficial in daily life
while
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 others agree that
people
Use synonyms
 should cooperate more
instead
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both ideas and why I agree that working together is a more advantageous approach for
people
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 competing with each other. On the one hand, competition offers numerous positive outcomes for a person.
first,
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it makes an individual more motivated to work or study;
therefore
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 contributes to the
overall
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 productivity of
people
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.
Also
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, it sets a purpose to outrace each other which results in more willingness for
people
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 which has been used for many companies.
For instance
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, Nike is a company that encourages employees to be competitive in order to increase production.
On the other hand
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, I firmly agree that cooperating is an essential part of a human being that shapes our society and
therefore
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people
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 at work or school should take into account that helping each other brings a sense of happiness and fulfilment to
people
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.
For example
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, recent research showed that employees who tried to help others are more satisfied with themselves.
Furthermore
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, cooperation is a useful tool to hinder devastating outcomes of conflict between
people
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 that result in nothing but suffering.
Moreover
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, a company may develop rapidly if its workers cooperate with each other to reverse the weak sides of the company. In conclusion,
although
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 some regard competition as a good thing that plays a vital role in the progression of individuals, I strongly disagree with
this
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 belief because collaborating makes a person happier and more satisfied.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea. The idea of cooperation and competition is well-addressed, but further clarity would enhance the essay.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to better illustrate your points. Examples help to solidify your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Work on expanding the ideas presented to add depth. The points are present, but more elaboration would bring them to life.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure includes a solid introduction and conclusion, which frame your discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is supported with relevant details, such as referencing Nike to explain the concept of competition at work.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument clearly, presenting a balanced view before concluding with your own opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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