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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

me believe that it is the reponsibility of the people to care of the environment. Others say it is the government that should take care of environment. discuss both views and state your opinion.

#reponsibility #people #care #environment #government
The climate has been changing for many years and creating
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 for everyone. It is reckoned by some people that
to protect
Change the verb form
protecting
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 the climate of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 duty.
However
, it is considered by other pupils that it is mainly
obligation
Correct article usage
an obligation
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 of the local government.
This
 essay will drive both perspectives and give a valid suggestion. In the modern era, a plethora of people
has
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have
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 been using technology machines which are causing problems.
The motor
Correct article usage
Motor
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 vehicles are
being created
Wrong verb form
creating
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 pollution in the atmosphere by the human. Fossil fuels are made by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cars which evolved into greenhouse gases.
Vehicles
Fix the agreement mistake
Vehicle
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polluts
Correct your spelling
pollution
harm
Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
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 our health and
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
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 greenhouse gases that cause climate change. Burning gasoline and diesel fuel
creats
Correct your spelling
creates
create
 harmful byproducts like
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 carbon dioxide,carbon monoxide and nitrogen oxide.
In addition
, vehicles emit carbon dioxide, the most common human-caused greenhouse gas.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming has risen rapidly and affected the environment.
Furthermore
, Deforestation to
cleaning
Wrong verb form
clean
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 the forest from trees through human activities which are causing environmental problems. As we chop down trees for agriculture, infrastructure and settlements we disrupt the delicate ecosystem and
threatens
Correct subject-verb agreement
threaten
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 the plants and animals. The consequence of biodiversity loss of nature, many species and natural habitants
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are closer to extinction.
Submitted by mobinadurrani43 on

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task achievement
While the essay begins to address the topic, it falls short of providing a balanced view of both perspectives. It is important to discuss both the role of individuals and the government in protecting the environment.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear progression of ideas. Use paragraphs effectively, each should have a clear topic, and transitions should be used to guide the reader between your points.
coherence cohesion
There is a lack of conclusion to summarize the essay's main points and state your opinion. The introduction and conclusion are both crucial for a complete essay structure.
task achievement
The essay provides general examples; however, more specific and relevant examples are required to effectively support the main points discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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