It has been suggested that everyone in the world want to own a car,a tv and fridge. Do you think the disadvantages of such a development outweighs??

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
advancements in science and technology, today each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
wants
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more personal vehicles,
Tvs
Correct your spelling
TVs
show examples
, and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fridges as their daily necessities things which were luxury
products
a few years ago. There are several advantages and
disadvantages
to
this
phenomenon but the
disadvantages
definitely outweigh the advantages.
To begin
with,
it is clear that
having an individual car,
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
and a fridge indicates good standards of
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. Because
people
work hard to fulfill their needs and achieve
thier
Correct your spelling
their
goals. Indeed
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
everyone's
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
to own
comfort
Correct article usage
the comfort
show examples
of life.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
they are immensely interested in purchasing personal equipment.
Apart from
this
, when increasing the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
rich
products
as well as
general
products
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
manufacturing companies may start bulk production.
Consequently
, employment opportunities will increase
along with
economi
Correct your spelling
economic
growth for a country. On the downside, an excessive number of cars
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
terrible traffic congestion which
is disrupts
Change the verb form
disrupts
show examples
our normal flow of life and
stuck
Wrong verb form
sticks
show examples
our-self
Correct your spelling
us
show examples
on the roads.
Furthermore
, producing and maintaining these
luxuy
Correct your spelling
luxury
products
requires
Add an article
a
show examples
huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of fossil fuels which directly affects our environment. The most significant
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
are
worse
Correct word choice
worst
show examples
impact on our health. Today
people
are more dependent on electronic usage rather than handmade.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
at present
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
totally rely on fridges, ovens, electric kettles, hotpots and so on which are dangerous for health. What is more some
people
are addicted to watching movies , series, online streaming etc. Which can lead
Fix the infinitive
to
show examples
stress,
anxiety
Correct word choice
and anxiety
show examples
including various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
.
Lastly
Change the word
Last
show examples
but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least by avoiding sharing equipment like public transport, cinema theatres, manual preservation methods and others.
people
are becoming more unsocial and
disconnect
Wrong verb form
disconnected
show examples
from a harmonious culture.
To sum up
, I would reiterate my opinion,
although
there are a few upsides
neverthless
Correct your spelling
nevertheless
the
disadvantages
clearly outweigh the advantages, so it is a negative development.
Submitted by tanvir0507 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and this idea should be clearly stated in a topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Your essay should logically flow from one idea to the next, using connecting words to help guide the reader.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that you fully answer the question. Provide a balanced view of the topic if required, and make your position clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
Generate ideas that are directly relevant to the questions posed, and make sure to explain these ideas in the context of the topic. Avoid deviating from the topic or including unrelated information.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. These examples should be relevant, effective, and explained in relation to the main idea of the paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: