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Writing Samples
Band 6

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?

#students #school #money
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There is a common
problem
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 among high
school
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 graduates these days where
students
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 are leaving
school
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 without any knowledge or skill in personal
money
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 management.
This
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 essay will outline a
number
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 of reasons for
this
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 trend and a
number
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 of possible solutions to help tackle the issue.
Firstly
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, one of the main causes of
this
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problem
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 is that the majority of high
school
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students
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 live with their
parents
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 and are completely financially dependent upon them. Most
students
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 do not need to work to earn
money
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while
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 at high
school
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, as their
parents
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 pay for all their needs, and
therefore
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 do not gain any understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the realities of earning and saving
money
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. Usually, the only
money
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 that
students
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 receive is from their
parents
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 and
this
Linking Words
 is typically in the form of
pocket-
Correct your spelling
pocket money
show examples
money
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, which is given with the intent of it being spent.
Therefore
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, young people only really learn how to spend
money
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, and not how to earn, save or manage it wisely.
However
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, there are a
number
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 of viable solutions to help
students
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 deal with
this
Linking Words
problem
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.
Firstly
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, basic
money
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 management skills could be included as a compulsory subject for
students
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 in their high
school
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 years, which would help equip them with the knowledge and skills to manage their own personal finances when they leave
school
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, move out of home and enter employment. The second possible step that could be taken to help curb
this
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problem
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 is through education at home.
Parents
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 need to take responsibility to make sure that their children are adequately educated in
such
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 matters to ensure their children maintain a successful and independent financial situation after graduating and leaving home. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
money
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 management is a
problem
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 for a lot of
school
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 leavers, there are a
number
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 of viable solutions to counteract
this
Linking Words
problem
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.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt, outlining reasons and proposing solutions, but it would benefit from a more in-depth analysis and a variety of examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance cohesion by varying your use of connectives and moving beyond simplistic linking words for a more nuanced approach. Ensure paragraphs flow smoothly from one idea to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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