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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say part-time jobs are useful for full-time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience. Do you agree or disagree ?

#people #jobs #students #money #gain #career
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Nowadays, a part-
time
 job is the most popular choice for students to earn money or gain
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience for their future job. It seems to me that
this
 option is the most rational,
due to
 the lack of
time
 and resources for the majority of full-
time
 pupils.
Firstly
, the work with various schedules allows students to manage their
time
 correctly, which is a huge issue for numerous individuals.
For instance
, you can get a job between lectures and quit it during the finals.
Besides
, the relevant example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
that is
 working online in different professions,
such
 as web designer or
tutor
Wrong verb form
tutoring
show examples
 for children.
Then
, you can earn money for your personal needs or tuition fees.
Secondly
,
this
 gives you an opportunity to gain knowledge and skills for your future career, which obviously, will help you to get an occupation in your chosen major.
On the other hand
, colleges expect permanent attention to studies, which leads to a lack of
time
 for other things to do, like employment.
Moreover
, it can cause physical or mental burnout, in light of the fact that of that fact you can not only not finish your studies,
on the contrary
also
, end up with mental illness or physical injuries.
For example
, I used to combine tutoring and studying, which led to enormous burnout and problems,
such
 as losing close friends or any communication at all.
To sum up
,
this
 occasion gives you numerous possibilities in the future, despite
this
 you must be advanced at managing
time
,
otherwise
, it will not be good for your health.
Submitted by katiakardash07 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the transition between paragraphs is smooth. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly addresses the question and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. Ensure these elements are clear and present to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. While some examples are provided, further elaboration and variety are needed to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the prompt fully with a clear opinion throughout the essay. While you have made some attempt to discuss the topic, your response needs to more directly and completely answer the question asked.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively to provide a deeper analysis and understanding of the topic. Aim for a balanced discussion that explores different perspectives in depth while relating them back to the question.
task achievement
Use a variety of relevant examples to support your points. Examples can be drawn from personal experience, observations, or other sources, as long as they are directly related to the topic and illustrate your argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career experience
  • financial independence
  • time management
  • interpersonal skills
  • work ethics
  • academic performance
  • practical experience
  • part-time job
  • full-time student
  • prioritization
  • financial burden
  • extracurricular activities
  • professional environment
  • networking events
  • stress management
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