Write about the following topic: Some people believe that children should be made disciplined by making them obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others, however, believe that those children who are controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges life brings to them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, numerous
person
think that Fix the agreement mistake
people
youngster
should be made disciplined by making them obey Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
rules
and what their parents
and teachers want them to do. But otheres
, believe that those Correct your spelling
others
children
who are not controlled are not well- prepared
to tackle the challenges life brings to them. In Correct your spelling
well-prepared
this
essay, I will discuss with views and explain the reasons.
Firstly
, If children
are following
obey Verb problem
apply
rules
given by parents
and teachers, then
those
are good Correct pronoun usage
they
citizen
of Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
nation
and Add an article
the nation
a nation
also
follow the rules
of discipline. To explain, parents
and teachers always gudied
to those for education and social skills with Correct your spelling
guided
own
experienced basis. Correct pronoun usage
their own
For example
, as per a survey by BBC News, when the
Correct article usage
apply
children
to give
proper Verb problem
get
guidence
from family Correct your spelling
guidance
member
and institutes Fix the agreement mistake
members
then
Correct your spelling
they
those are learning
a lot of things and easily understand Wrong verb form
learn
right
or wrong path. Add an article
the right
Hence
, good parents
always gives
Change the verb form
give
to
Verb problem
apply
valueable
things to our Correct your spelling
valuable
children
and help to improve their behaviours with others.
Secondly
, sometimes parents
extra
possessive Add a missing verb
are extra
for
Change preposition
of
children
they are always controlling to
them. To Change preposition
with
elobrate
, If we are trying to exessive control Correct your spelling
illustrate
then
worst effect on them. They are
not Verb problem
do
feeling
confident and not a good decision maker and Wrong verb form
feel
always
in fear they are doing right or wrong work and not prepared for Add a missing verb
are always
the
future problems when Correct article usage
apply
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
servived
alone. Correct your spelling
serve
For instance
, As per a report by WHO, every year thousands of people died
Wrong verb form
die
due to
illness of
depression and not Change preposition
apply
tackle
the challenges in life. Wrong verb form
tackling
The
results, Change preposition
As the
parents
help to
them to Change preposition
apply
prepared
to tackle every situation in life.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
prepare
boths
are important for Correct your spelling
both
children
obey
Add the particle
to obey
rules
given by Correct article usage
the rules
parents
and teacher
, It Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
is help
to Change the verb form
helps
became
Wrong verb form
become
a
good Correct article usage
apply
citizen
for them and learn a lot of things. Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
Parents
given to
them some space but eyes on that they going on Wrong verb form
gave
right
path and guided Add an article
the right
Correct pronoun usage
them on
on
time to time.Change preposition
from
Submitted by lavneet.kumar45 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Your essay barely touched upon the requirements of the task. It needs more expansion in terms of explaining both views thoroughly before presenting your opinion. An equal treatment of both perspectives, followed by a reasoned conclusion, is expected for a high score in Task Achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing lacks clear progression of ideas. Paragraphs should be logically organized with clear topic sentences and subsequent supporting sentences that develop the main idea effectively. Use cohesive devices to improve the flow from one sentence to another.