Some people believe that children should be made disciplined by making them obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others, however, believe that those children who are controlled are not well-prepared to tackle the challenges life brings to them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, numerous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people

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think that
youngster
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youngsters

It seems that youngster may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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should be made disciplined by making them obey
rules
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and what their
parents
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and teachers want them to do. But
otheres
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others

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, believe that those
children
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who are not controlled are not
well- prepared
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well-prepared

The word well- prepared seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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to tackle the challenges life brings to them. In
this
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essay, I will discuss with views and explain the reasons.
Firstly
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, If
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are following
Verb problem
apply

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obey
rules
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

given by
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and teachers,
then
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

those
Correct pronoun usage
they

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are good
citizen
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citizens

It seems that citizen may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation

The noun phrase nation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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and
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

follow the
rules
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of discipline. To explain,
parents
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and teachers always
gudied
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guided

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to those for education and social skills with
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own

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experienced basis.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, as per a survey by BBC News, when
the
Correct article usage
apply

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children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to give
Verb problem
get

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proper
guidence
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guidance

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from family
member
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members

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and institutes
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

then
Correct your spelling
they

The word then doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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those are learning
Wrong verb form
learn

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb those are learning. Consider changing it.

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a lot of things and easily understand
right
Add an article
the right

The noun phrase right or wrong path seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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or wrong path.
Hence
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, good
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

always
gives
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give

The singular verb gives does not appear to agree with the plural subject parents. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable

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things to our
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and help to improve their behaviours with others.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, sometimes
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

extra
Add a missing verb
are extra

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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possessive
for
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of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

they are always controlling
to
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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them. To
elobrate
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illustrate

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, If we are trying to exessive control
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

worst effect on them. They
are
Verb problem
do

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not
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb feeling. Consider changing it.

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confident and not a good decision maker and
always
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are always

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in fear they are doing right or wrong work and not prepared for
the
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apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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future problems when
he
Correct pronoun usage
they

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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servived
Correct your spelling
serve

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alone.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, As per a report by WHO, every year thousands of people
died
Wrong verb form
die

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb died. Consider changing it.

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due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

illness
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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depression and not
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackling

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb tackle. Consider changing it.

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the challenges in life.
The
Change preposition
As the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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results,
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

help
to
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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them to
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepare

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb prepared. Consider changing it.

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to tackle every situation in life. In conclusion,
boths
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both

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are important for
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

obey
Add the particle
to obey

It appears that the verb obey should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

show examples
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rules
Correct article usage
the rules

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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given by
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers

It seems that teacher may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, It
is help
Change the verb form
helps

It appears that the form of the verb help does not work with is in this sentence.

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to
became
Wrong verb form
become

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb became. Consider changing it.

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a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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good
citizen
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citizens

It seems that citizen may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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for them and learn a lot of things.
Parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

given to
Wrong verb form
gave

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb given to. Consider changing it.

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them some space but eyes on that they going on
right
Add an article
the right

The noun phrase right path seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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path and guided
Correct pronoun usage
them on
show examples
on
Change preposition
from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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time to time.
Submitted by lavneet.kumar45 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay barely touched upon the requirements of the task. It needs more expansion in terms of explaining both views thoroughly before presenting your opinion. An equal treatment of both perspectives, followed by a reasoned conclusion, is expected for a high score in Task Achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing lacks clear progression of ideas. Paragraphs should be logically organized with clear topic sentences and subsequent supporting sentences that develop the main idea effectively. Use cohesive devices to improve the flow from one sentence to another.
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