4.How would you use your degree to make a positive impact?4.How would you use your degree to make a positive impact?
The master’s degree will benefit me in acquiring a comprehensive understanding of the financial area, quantitative skills, and engaging in real-world applications.
This
will enable me to excel in the financial industry by applying innovative strategies and effective decision-making.
The real-world cases that the program
offers will prepare me for the intricacies of financial markets, by exposing me to different scenarios, and will equip me with the necessary skills to formulate strategies and make problem-solving effectively.
After finishing the master I plan to work in investment banking, where I aim to garner valuable experience. This
is a strategic step toward my ultimate goal of establishing my own successful company in the future. The program
offers a detailed curriculum that covers essential courses relevant to investment banking.
About my long-term goal of creating a company, it is important to know about various aspects, including market situation, market analysis, operations, and financial management. The program
will equip me with the requisite knowledge to comprehend these critical elements and apply them effectively in a practical setting. Furthermore
, by the knowledge and experiences gained through the program
, I am posed to make a positive impact in the business field, contributing to the success of my effort.Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a logical structure but could benefit from clearer transitions and better logical linkage between ideas. To improve, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure paragraphs flow naturally from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
You present an introduction and conclusion, but they could be made more impactful by clearly stating your main idea in the introduction and summarizing key points in the conclusion. Aim to make your position or stance on the topic stand out for greater effect.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but the support could be more specific and detailed. Include concrete examples and evidence to strengthen each point. More in-depth analysis will also contribute to a fuller development of ideas.
task achievement
You've provided a complete response to the task with a broad coverage of ideas related to the positive impact of your degree. To enhance your performance, elaborate on these ideas to fully address the prompt, perhaps by including how you would specifically apply your knowledge to create a positive impact and measurable outcomes.
task achievement
The ideas are clear but could be further expanded to create a more comprehensive understanding. Dig deeper into the reasons behind your goals and how your degree equips you specifically for investment banking and entrepreneurship.
task achievement
While the essay contains relevant examples, including more specific and varied examples related to how your studies would translate into real-world impact will strengthen this aspect of the response. Think about adding quantitative data or hypothetical scenarios that demonstrate the application of your degree.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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