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4.How would you use your degree to make a positive impact? 4.How would you use your degree to make a positive impact?

#impact
Since the moment my parents arrived in Spain, they have been establishing businesses and shops.
Due to
 their challenges in communicating in Spanish, I assumed the role of translator from the age of 5. Growing up in
this
 environment, I acquired valuable insights into the intricacies of business establishment and operations. My parents hadn’t studied university and did not know how to decide what sector or field was profitable, but after tries, they started to understand how things worked. As I was “working” with them, I
also
 started to know that establishing a
company
 was not easy.
Therefore
, in the short term, after finishing the course, I would like to work in a large
company
. I recognize the need for a more profound understanding of the financial domain, since my academic background includes courses related to finance, but is not enough for me to specialize in investment banking and have my own
company
.
Thus
, there is a need to expand my knowledge and insights to ensure success in
this
 area. Despite my involvement in assisting my parents in launching new businesses in recent years, there are similar activities, decisions, and analyses that I need to make in the moment of establishing my own
company
. Professional experience is important to enforce my knowledge and understand how companies work so that I can succeed in a more distant future, and I can establish an international reputation.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should progress logically from one to the next, with clear sentences that support your main points. Use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words to enhance flow and clarity.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt but could more directly answer the question of how you will use your degree for positive impact. Make sure your response is directly related to the task throughout the essay. Include specific examples of how your degree will enable you to achieve your goals and ensure that your ideas are fully developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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