Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance in school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over-enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on a child. PROMPT: Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well in school? What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child’s education?
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Recently, its common among
parents
to put pressure
on their children
regarding their academic performance
. While
other children
receive no attention or applauds
from their Replace the word
applause
parents
for their academic success or activities. This
essay will explain reasons why some parents
put too much pressure
on their kids
concerning their academic performance
and what role a parent is meant to play in his or her kids
education.
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
Firstly
, most parents
put pressure
on their children
due to
the high expectations they designed for their children
. Parents
often impose their ideas on kids
without giving them the chance or opportunity to choose what they want for themselves. Most especially African parents
, they Neither want their children
to be a doctor, lawyers, pilots etc. Therefore
, for the kids
to attain or become professionals in those fields, they have to have a high academic performance
that will make them qualify for those professions. Which in turn, make parent push their children
beyond their limit to achieve the goals they have designed for them.
Another reason why parents
put lots of pressure
on their children
, can be because of competition with other parents
. Often time we see parents
competing with theirselves using their children
's academic or life success as their own success. A clear example is the community where I came from. The level of respect that is
accorded to an individual is determined by how successful his or her kids
her. This
made parents
put pressure
on their kid's academic performance
in order to make other parents
respect them and praise them for their effort in making sure their kids
are above other kids
academically.
An appropriate role of parents
in their children
's education is supposed to be to encourage and support their children
. Adequate support and encouragement are enough to make children
do better academically without parents
having to put pressure
on kids
. Most time too much pressure
makes kids
develop anxiety and depression. Which in turn makes them lose focus on what they are meant to do.
In conclusion, putting pressure
on kids
makes them become who they are not. Some kids
even go as far as committing suicide if they can't reach the target which has been set for them by their parents
. Therefore
, parents
are advised to encourage and support their kids
in their academic performance
instead
of putting pressure
on them.Submitted by bonuhelen on
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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a more logical progression of ideas. Consider using linking words and clear topic sentences to enhance the coherence of your paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that an introduction and conclusion are present and effectively bookend the discussion. The provided introduction and conclusion fulfill this requirement, but could be more succinctly related to the thesis and main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples. The essay contains general statements that would be strengthened by providing concrete evidence or scenarios.
task achievement
Provide a more complete response to the prompt by discussing both parts of the question in a balanced manner. The essay marginally touches on the role of a parent in a child's education.
task achievement
Developing clear and comprehensive ideas will improve the essay's task achievement score. Aim to fully expand on points, providing depth and clarity in your explanations.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. This will demonstrate a better understanding of the topic and improve the task achievement score.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.