Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance in school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over-enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on a child. PROMPT: Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well in school? What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child’s education?

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Recently, its common among
parents
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to put
pressure
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on their
children
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regarding their academic
performance
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.
While
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other
children
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receive no attention or
applauds
Replace the word
applause
show examples
from their
parents
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for their academic success or activities.
This
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essay will explain reasons why some
parents
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put too much
pressure
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on their
kids
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concerning their academic
performance
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and what role a parent is meant to play in his or her
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kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
education.
Firstly
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, most
parents
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put
pressure
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on their
children
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due to
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the high expectations they designed for their
children
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.
Parents
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often impose their ideas on
kids
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without giving them the chance or opportunity to choose what they want for themselves. Most especially African
parents
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, they Neither want their
children
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to be a doctor, lawyers, pilots etc.
Therefore
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, for the
kids
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to attain or become professionals in those fields, they have to have a high academic
performance
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that will make them qualify for those professions. Which in turn, make parent push their
children
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beyond their limit to achieve the goals they have designed for them. Another reason why
parents
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put lots of
pressure
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on their
children
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, can be because of competition with other
parents
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. Often time we see
parents
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competing with theirselves using their
children
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's academic or life success as their own success. A clear example is the community where I came from. The level of respect
that is
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accorded to an individual is determined by how successful his or her
kids
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her.
This
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made
parents
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put
pressure
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on their kid's academic
performance
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in order to make other
parents
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respect them and praise them for their effort in making sure their
kids
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are above other
kids
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academically. An appropriate role of
parents
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in their
children
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's education is supposed to be to encourage and support their
children
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. Adequate support and encouragement are enough to make
children
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do better academically without
parents
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having to put
pressure
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on
kids
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. Most time too much
pressure
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makes
kids
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develop anxiety and depression. Which in turn makes them lose focus on what they are meant to do. In conclusion, putting
pressure
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on
kids
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makes them become who they are not. Some
kids
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even go as far as committing suicide if they can't reach the target which has been set for them by their
parents
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.
Therefore
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,
parents
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are advised to encourage and support their
kids
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in their academic
performance
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instead
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of putting
pressure
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on them.
Submitted by bonuhelen on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a more logical progression of ideas. Consider using linking words and clear topic sentences to enhance the coherence of your paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that an introduction and conclusion are present and effectively bookend the discussion. The provided introduction and conclusion fulfill this requirement, but could be more succinctly related to the thesis and main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples. The essay contains general statements that would be strengthened by providing concrete evidence or scenarios.
task achievement
Provide a more complete response to the prompt by discussing both parts of the question in a balanced manner. The essay marginally touches on the role of a parent in a child's education.
task achievement
Developing clear and comprehensive ideas will improve the essay's task achievement score. Aim to fully expand on points, providing depth and clarity in your explanations.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. This will demonstrate a better understanding of the topic and improve the task achievement score.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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