IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Instead of asking the government to bear the cost of higher education, students should pay their own tuition fees themselves. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some
people
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 consider that students have to pay their own tuition fees
instead
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 of requiring the
government
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 to support them. I personally disagree with the statement as the executive would still provide a fund even though only a few
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of the price.
To begin
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 with, pursuing higher
education
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 not only makes
people
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 have a better life but
only
Rephrase
also
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 increases the prosperity of the
country
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. It is mainly because learning in
universities
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 is related to improving human resources,
therefore
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 raising a better living population in that
country
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 is a state obligation too.
However
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, the
government
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 has prioritised the
country
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's income distributed to the
education
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 sector, especially
universities
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.
Hence
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, it will be a worthwhile investment both for the
country
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 and society itself.
Moreover
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, not everyone has the privilege of a good economic background but has high potential. Tertiary
education
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 is closely correlated to the cost,
therefore
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this
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 is a social issue
since
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of
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 the variety of levels of economics in every person.
In addition
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,
this
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 problem would be the main problem that must be resolved by the
government
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 specifically in developed countries as there are more
people
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 from
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
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 economic class than the other.
Hence
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, the allocation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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income in developed countries should be prioritised in
education
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.
To sum up
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, I believe that the
government
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 plays a vital role in
people
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 going to
universities
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 because the funding of higher
education
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 is higher than other educational levels.
Accordingly
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, the executive of the
country
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 should still provide funding to
universities
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although
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 it can not
fully
Add a missing verb
be fully
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 as beneficial
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
higher
education
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 is essential for human beings and the state.

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay provides a clear stance on the topic and includes an introduction and conclusion, the logical flow could be improved. You should work on strengthening the transitions between paragraphs and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea that is elaborated upon.
Task Achievement
Your response addresses the task, but it only partially forms a complete argument. You should aim to fully develop your point of view with consistently relevant examples. Look to provide concrete examples to support your arguments and thereby fully address all parts of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bear the cost
  • tuition fees
  • financial management
  • taxpayer burden
  • public finances
  • allocate resources
  • social inequality
  • socio-economic disparities
  • access to higher education
  • long-term economic benefits
  • educated workforce
  • earning potentials
  • investment vs expense
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