IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Instead of asking the government to bear the cost of higher education, students should pay their own tuition fees themselves. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 consider that students have to pay their own tuition fees
instead
Linking Words
 of requiring the
government
Use synonyms
 to support them. I personally disagree with the statement as the executive would still provide a fund even though only a few
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the price.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, pursuing higher
education
Use synonyms
 not only makes
people
Use synonyms
 have a better life but
only
Rephrase
also
show examples
 increases the prosperity of the
country
Use synonyms
. It is mainly because learning in
universities
Use synonyms
 is related to improving human resources,
therefore
Linking Words
 raising a better living population in that
country
Use synonyms
 is a state obligation too.
However
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 has prioritised the
country
Use synonyms
's income distributed to the
education
Use synonyms
 sector, especially
universities
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it will be a worthwhile investment both for the
country
Use synonyms
 and society itself.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not everyone has the privilege of a good economic background but has high potential. Tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 is closely correlated to the cost,
therefore
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is a social issue
since
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the variety of levels of economics in every person.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 problem would be the main problem that must be resolved by the
government
Use synonyms
 specifically in developed countries as there are more
people
Use synonyms
 from
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
 economic class than the other.
Hence
Linking Words
, the allocation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
income in developed countries should be prioritised in
education
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in
people
Use synonyms
 going to
universities
Use synonyms
 because the funding of higher
education
Use synonyms
 is higher than other educational levels.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, the executive of the
country
Use synonyms
 should still provide funding to
universities
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 it can not
fully
Add a missing verb
be fully
show examples
 as beneficial
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
higher
education
Use synonyms
 is essential for human beings and the state.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay provides a clear stance on the topic and includes an introduction and conclusion, the logical flow could be improved. You should work on strengthening the transitions between paragraphs and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea that is elaborated upon.
Task Achievement
Your response addresses the task, but it only partially forms a complete argument. You should aim to fully develop your point of view with consistently relevant examples. Look to provide concrete examples to support your arguments and thereby fully address all parts of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bear the cost
  • tuition fees
  • financial management
  • taxpayer burden
  • public finances
  • allocate resources
  • social inequality
  • socio-economic disparities
  • access to higher education
  • long-term economic benefits
  • educated workforce
  • earning potentials
  • investment vs expense
What to do next:
Look at other essays: