IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some children spend hours everyday on smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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many
children
Use synonyms
 tend to
Use synonyms
use
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 a lot of time on
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
 because it is an
impact
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technological
 advances. In
may
Correct your spelling
my
show examples
 opinion, it has negative
development
Use synonyms
 which is they will become difficult to socialize and get sick because of that. in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
 we live with
Use synonyms
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
high
Change preposition
of high
show examples
 technology because of that it
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 an
impact
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our generation
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. They do not have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to manage their self using
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
 so parents are mature person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to control them.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 parents are busy living their daily life so they provide
toold
Correct your spelling
tools
 that can accompany their
children
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
thet
Correct your spelling
they
 work.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 spend more time with
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
. They grow with
Use synonyms
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 beside them.
Use synonyms
Tecnology
Correct your spelling
Technology
 bring what they need so they tend to
use
Use synonyms
 smartphone
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. There is negative
development
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
 ti
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
show examples
 with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
. They are used to living with their self so it is difficult for them to interact and communicate
direcly
Correct your spelling
directly
 with other people. They tend to
individual
Add a missing verb
be individual
show examples
 and selfish because just busy with
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
. They feel strange when they are with other people.
However
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
development
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Tecnology
Correct your spelling
Technology
 helps
children
Use synonyms
 to develop their motor
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Use synonyms
Tecnology
Correct your spelling
Technology
 helps
children
Use synonyms
 to develop their motor
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Use synonyms
Tecnology
Correct your spelling
Technology
 encourage
children
Use synonyms
explore
Add the particle
to explore
show examples
 their ability and capability.
For instance
Linking Words
, my little sister
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
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smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
show examples
 to watch
cartoon
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
show examples
 from another country, after that she
capable
Add a missing verb
is capable
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 another
languange
Correct your spelling
language
.
to sum up
Linking Words
, high
Use synonyms
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
Use synonyms
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 so they spend their time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that.
Although
Linking Words
, it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact
Use synonyms
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
if used well it can be a positive
development
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on ensuring that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion that are appropriately linked and clearly stated to guide the reader seamlessly through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points require substantiation through relevant examples and evidence. All claims made should be supported by specifics; this was lacking in some aspects of your response.
task achievement
A complete response entails a thorough discussion of all parts of the task, displaying a well-developed position that is supported by specific, relevant examples. Your discussion needs to include both the reasons for the situation and clearly articulated views on the positives and negatives of the development, which must be backed up with specific examples or evidence. Additionally, it should directly address the question's components to show a full understanding and engagement with the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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